The Lonely Road, The Only One I Ever Knew

The Finale

2006-11-30T22:39:00.000+08:00

after a long long long time spent thinking. i've realised one thing. this blog is going to implode. my thoughts are going to destroy this blog, destroy the words, and destroy my head.

so enough. thank you all you loyal readers who have had to endure the torment of reading through my thoughts being spewed out. if any of you are left.

this is the last entry, and i want to end it with a song. but it'll take me a while to find a suitable one.

anyway. my new one (unconfirmed) should be something like

http://longroadforaizat.blogspot.com

or something to that effect.

i'll explain the significance in my first post of the new one.

anyway. i say goodbye to this blog, who has been a most unjudging and and unquestioning listener (i wonder why) as i played my life out for me to remember. but it's time to seal this place up. it will always be here, to serve as a reminder of what could happen should i ever go down this road again. but it will be like a plaque on the wall, untouched and undisturbed.

ladies and gentlemen, i bid you good night

Entry 63

2006-11-11T00:48:00.000+08:00

hope is a strange little thing. it can mean nothing to some people. it can be everything to others. hope is a view of the future, based on the past and present. hope paints a brighter time to come. hope is all about what you want, what you dream of, what you aspire to. hope can be anything. it can be for material possessions, spiritual perfection, emotional stability, anything at all. hope means you feel good, about what is to come in your life

but hope is a double edged sword. hope is based on intangibility. there is no way at all that you can know for certain what is to come. that is why you hope in the first place; because you don't know what's going to happen. that is what hope is all about - pretending that the future is always better than the present. there is a fine line between hope and obsession. let your hopes and dreams dominate your life, and you will think of nothing else. it will be forever on your mind, forever deciding your thoughts, your actions, your emotions. it will control your future, take over your life, and shape your destiny. that is hope, taken to the extreme. hope, when the person hoping does as much as humanly possible, and even more, to ensure as much as possible that the hope is fulfilled, and that is obsession.

so how can people truly say that hope is good. what good is something that you can be certain of, since that is the entire basis of hope, of hoping for something to happen, something to occur. hope creates a false sense of accomplishment and satisfaction, that you've done everything you can, and that you can only hope that everything turns out the way you want it to. want and will are two completely different things. one is indecision, lack of confidence, unsure of self and everything around. will is a sign of assurance, that something will happen. hope is actually a very destructive part of life. it makes you think that there is a better future, that what is to come is better in some way than what is in existence in the present time.

there's no point in hoping. hoping is about pretending. hoping is about not knowing what will happen, and in fact unsure if what will happen is better or worse at all. hoping will be the downfall of many, because they choose to bank everything on something they can't even be sure of, let alone trust to happen. gambling, betting, are minor pieces of the puzzle. certainly they are less acceptable vices, but nonetheless, they play a lot on the hopes of people, and this is where the trouble lies. even outside of such individual fallicies, communities, nations, the whole world, people all hope for a better, brighter future which is as uncertain as life itself. hope should not be a part of a person's life. it will just lead to his or her failure, making the false hope all too clear

false hope is redundant. hope is already false, by virtue of its uncertainty. false hope just enhances that idea. so again, hope should have no place in a person's life.

there should be no hope in this world. then everyone will be happy.

Entry 62

2006-11-06T19:30:00.000+08:00

i think i can safely say i have lived through one of the best weekends of recent years (in terms of football). chelsea lost (controversially), arsenal lost (controversially and violently), and manchester united are playing brilliant football, at least for the first 10 - 20 minutes of a match, but who cares. it gets the results. it shows that they are capable of grinding out a result should the need arise, not unlike a certain adidas-sponsored team.

so now, the league table says it all.

man utd 28 points
chelsea 25 points

a 3 point gap has opened up, and unlike recent seasons, it is the Red Devils in the lead, playing the best football they've played in years, and with the most reliable defense available since the days of jaap stam. what more could a supporter want? maybe for them to play the same football throughout the 90 minutes, but it's a start, and hopefully they can build on this and continue their run.

tribute to sir alex ferguson, 20 years and stronger than ever.

let's hope it's enough

Entry 61

2006-10-30T20:36:00.000+08:00

so there is more to you than can just be seen. but now, as i hear more and more, i question even more. see this is why i can do well, but not spectacularly well, for tok. i question everything, but i never seem to be able to find the answers to anything. and just when i think that i'm close to discovering something, a whole new set of circumstances presents itself that sets me on yet another long chase of discovery, and sometimes i wonder whether it's just a wild goose chase which will never end.

right now the questions revolve somewhat around the situation, but even more so i'm questioning myself. who am i? what right do i have to this unique person that is me? i mean, okay i have a different name and a different face from everyone. but so what? what is it about it me that would really set me apart? what's something i can do, something that i have, that is different from others, that i've not been born with? am i simply a jack of all trades, going through life's motions? i can't name anyhting about myself that is special. everything i do, there are other people i know personally, that are as able or even better than me at doing such things.

all these questions are running through my head right now, and they are seriously not helping the situation as it stands. i really really need to do something if i want this sorted out. but what? what can i do?

maybe i'll open this out, reluctant as i am, to the rest of the pitifully small world that reads this whining.

if you wanted to win over a guy/girl, yet that person may already have eyes on someone else, and you likely have nothing majorly special, what would you do? would you still go ahead and try anyway? if so, why? if there's no space in the tag board then use the comments section. anyone can answer this.

Entry 60

2006-10-29T17:12:00.000+08:00

who are you? who is this person that no one wants to talk about, that seems perfect on the outside but with what appears to be so much more behind that

and another thing. am i really that ignorant of everything around me? why do i always end up being the last person to know about anything, by which time it'll probably be far too late.

what the hell la

Entry 59

2006-10-27T14:56:00.000+08:00

okay it's been quite a while. a lot has happened. but nothing worth telling about. i'm promoted (whee), but that's about it. oh, but something has happened. i finally know what i'm doing for my EE. how cool is that. didn't think it'd be this early though. oh well

next year my class is 6.4 CANA. what kind of name is CANA. ok i know the significance of it, but still, imagine putting that on the class tshirt (and then imagine a picture of pile of shit below it). anyway

yesterday was the oktober feast. some level thingie organised by the council. for the year 5s as an end of year thing. it was quite fun i guess. and the turnout was good, considering they anticipated only half the level turning up (but as someone said, if the dota gang found time to turnup, that probably would mean that most everyone would turn up). food was okay. and i made a new friend (i think) in rong xin.

it goes like this. the two geniuses ashok and anjan had a segment of the show to themselves. to do basicall whatever they wanted. so they decided to have a solo dance showdown (though it was danesh and shrey who won) and a couple dance showdown. long story short, i got called for the couple dance (the whole bloody thing was rigged. damned indians) and despite having been called to dance with someone else, she decided to dance with marcus lim. so i chose rong xin. and what a stroke of luck that turned out to be, for unknowing to me, rong xin is a school dancer, and between the two of us, we managed to steal the show. haha. though i'm pretty sure she's a lot a lot better than me. (considering i got pwned before i even started. haha). so yea.

remind me never to dance on a granite floor. i've discovered that it can cut your skin right through your clothes, without a single tear in your clothing.

xinhui you can be unbelievably frustrating. =P

Entry 58

2006-09-22T19:47:00.000+08:00

i'm feeling particularly emo these days. stupid mark chua let me hear that jay chou nocturne thing.

I could not let it pass me by
Nothing I give to sacrifice
To bring me back your love
If only we could live twice
If only we could live twice
We'll meet in another life
If only we could live twice

to the girl in the lime green t-shirt on the mrt.

oh well

Entry 57

2006-08-17T21:12:00.000+08:00

stagnant transfer market (for man u anyway). so stagnant blog

but suddenly things are beginning to happen

somewhere it says

owen hargreaves will join man u for 13 million

somewhere else it says

bayern won't sell him

oh well. wait and see again

and liverpool have signed another striker. sigh

Entry 56

2006-08-03T17:51:00.000+08:00

so carrick is the new midfield maestro at man u

and vieira is out of the question (6.5million. haiz)

but other options are opening up

man u are negotiating to get marcos senna at 4 million (still expensive though)

owen hargreaves wants to play in premiership top club

thomas gravesen is out of favour at real and is likely to leave

i would think that either of the latter two would fit the bill nicely. marcos senna is a questionable pick, but i guess he could offer the option of a hard tackling defensive midfielder, and give carrick much more room and security when playing the ball.

mascherano for man u!

Entry 55

2006-08-01T20:43:00.000+08:00

yay more chaos

senna is apparently happy to stay at villareal

vieira is ready to join should the opportunity come

and even more intruiging

ze roberto has been released from bayern munich

what next

Entry 54

2006-07-31T19:39:00.000+08:00

it seems more surprises were to reveal themselves before much time has passed

marcos senna of villareal is more or less set to sign for man u, with the transfer fee being in the region of 7 - 10 million

hmmm. he's 30 years old, a defensive midfielder, solid tackler, commanding presence, remind you of someone?

think roy keane. even the age is congruent

and that's what worries me. add to that man u's questionable history with south american players (forlan, veron, kleberson etc.). so far heinze is the only south american to have succeeded and even thrived at old trafford.

he may be spanish in name, but his birth certificate will still say 'Brazil'

questions questions and more questions

all it needed was for one tiny thing to go wrong, and i wouldn't have met you.

Entry 53

2006-07-28T17:05:00.000+08:00

so much chaos

in one day alone, i have seen reports that have left me bewildered

and it's barely 5pm

1st:

javier mascherano is in talks with manchester united (The New Paper, Straits Times, and manutd.com)

should there be a call for celebration?

2nd:

ruud van nistelrooy is set to sign to real madrid for 10/11/15 million (soccernet, football365, manutd.com)

hopefully it was for 15 mil

3rd:

michael carrick is set to sign for manchester united for 18 MILLION (soccernet, football365)

you have got to be kidding me. after all that negotiation and bargaining.

well. it's time to wait and see what comes out of all this

Entry 52

2006-07-24T20:19:00.000+08:00

i am seriously dead

there is soooo much crap to do in the next few weeks i don't even know where to begin

let's take a look see

1) extended essay presentation, next monday

2) individual oral presentation essay, next week

3) actual individual oral presentation, three weeks from now

i'm feeling cross-eyed already =S

4) malay oral thingie whatever rubbish, two weeks from now

5) theory of knowledge presentation, no idea when

6) and how could i forget. our dear end of years in about 8 weeks time.

i am soooo dead

Entry 51

2006-07-23T11:39:00.000+08:00

it has just occurred to me that there is one player whom people keep overlooking in favour of michael carrick. this particular player is also English, plays in the same position as carrick, and has a phenomenal work rate

OWEN HARGREAVES of BAYERN MUNICH

he completely tore apart the portuguese, though he was let down by the rest of his team. also he was not given the chance to play where he liked when eriksson played him as right back. but against the portuguese he showed what he is truly capable off. so far that's the only time i've ever seen him play in that position, and i'm impressed. besides, he's only like 24 or 25 years old - another similarity to carrick.

furthermore, bayern are interested in van nistelrooy, and i'm sure hargreaves isn't that important to them, since they have players like ze roberto. van nistelrooy for hargreaves. that would open up some options

Entry 50

2006-07-20T19:47:00.000+08:00

i love this article. it sums up manchester united's problems completely.

http://www.football365.com/opinion/f365_opinion/story_189041.shtml

Entry 49

2006-07-19T22:27:00.000+08:00

i really have no idea what the heck is going on at man u. first van nistelrooy can leave. a week later, real are close to signing him, with only the transfer fee to be settled. and now. the offer has been flat out rejected. and i have my doubts that real would want to push their bid so high, and even if they do, it might not be in time.

fact: manchester united football club is broke

we have 12 million from the obi mikel sale. that is far far from enough to land a player that we need. even michael carrick will cost around 15 million

my question now is: we had around 11-15 million back in january, such that we could obtain nemanja vidic and patrice evra (the latter of which i am still not too happy about. he has yet to shine at this stage, and his counterpart in vidic is a much better performer for the team)

there was money back then, when we weren't in dire need of players. now we are. without van nistelrooy, we're gonna lose our teeth. there is the jaw in the midfield, and the mouth in rooney, but there won't be a way to finish off the opponent, without someone like van nistelrooy.

problem is, he just might stay, and his thoughts regarding playing for the team remain highly suspect. here's my take: i wouldn't want what could very well be the fate of my team resting on a guy who isn't too happy with life around him. he might just decide to screw up. i doubt he would, because the only way to maintain his status in this world is to score goals, so he has to bang some in to make sure he's still wanted.

but i'm really really wondering what's gonna happen soon. and something better happen soon. the season starts in about a month. that is precious little time to sort things out before the shit hits the fan.

we have a million players in reserve. but that's just the problem. they are reserve players. backup players. they need to have someone to be backup to.

Entry 48: Revival

2006-07-17T20:08:00.000+08:00

*wipes dust off* ok time to do something about this place

i'm sure you all know about the italian scandal that has left three clubs relegated and one with a deduction in points for this coming season. so i'm sure you'll know that the transfer market has just been thrown wide open.

hence i will now present my personal opinions on who manchester united should invest in. based on recent newspaper reports, as well as discussions with various supporters of whom i am acquainted with, here is what i can gather:

Ruud van Nistelrooy will no longer be wearing a Red Devils Jersey this season. that is certain. so a replacement is due for him. despite the good reports coming in about Ole Gunnar Solksjaer's exploits in South Africa, there still remains a certain amount of doubt as to his capability at premiership level, especially against the likes of john terry, gabriel paletta and (possibly) lilian thuram. there remains a need for a target man, what with man u now resorting to long balls into the penalty box. with a Ruud there, at least someone was there to beat the offside trap and receive the long ball. now, there is doubt that saha or rooney could do the same job as effectively.

target men recommendations: Luca Toni of Fiorentina or Miroslave Klose of Werder Bremen

both have shown their incredible aerial prowess during the world cup, and Klose has also shown his eye for goal with his feet (4 out of 5 goals with feet). he is also physically capable, and has pace to burn, albeit not as imposing as Ruud, and would be a good replacement.

what Toni lacks in pace, he more than makes up for in height and physical size. in the final against france, italy had three corners in a row. they were almost identical clones. first two were met by Marco Materazzi, one of which resulted in a goal, and the other hit a defender and was cleared. the third was met with equal capacity by toni, who was unfortunate when it hit the crossbar. his heading power is the end product of long-ball play, and he will be deadly in set pieces.

Atletico Madrid and Spanish hitman Fernando Torres has long been linked with a move to Old Trafford, and he seems to have cast his future in doubt after saying that he can't guarantee his presence in the squad this season, although Atletico's asking price of 24 million is pushing it a bit. he is a good striker, but i have my concerns regarding whether he can adapt to the premiership style of play. i would rather go for a proven target man, like Toni or Klose, and who are likely to be much much cheaper

____________________________________________________________________

now there is another position to fill. that of the holding midfielder, a gaping wound left by the early departure of Roy Keane. many have been experimented to fill the position, the most promising being Alan Smith, who has been injured in the line of duty and won't be back for a couple more months. john o'shea has been there, though not nearly as effective, and even rio ferdinand has been tried. with no effect whatsoever. so there still remains the need for a replacement. and with the relegation of the italian clubs, there is a perfect replacement

holding midfield recommendation: Patrick Vieira or Emerson, both of Juventus

there was much speculation about the possibility of Gennaro Ivan Gattusso coming to Old Trafford, but that seems somewhat distance now that AC Milan are still in the running. bids have been made for Spurs holder Michael Carrick, which have been rejected, and there is a possibility of possibly-looking-to-leave Citizens man Joey Barton, but the most apt person to succeed keane is his long-time Gunners counterpart Vieira. he can attack, defend, and pretty much scare away any midfielder with his amazing stride and physical size. an imposing person in midfield, he will be the perfect general to lead the Devils to the title. much remains to be seen as to whether he would want to come in the first place, though it is well known that Sir Alex Ferguson has been a long time admirer of him, and apparently he was once quoted as saying he would like to play for the Devils. much talk has been thrown around about Man U holding talks with him, and i am confident his presence would be a much needed boost to a midfield that is only just beginning to come together once again

i have not really seen emerson play in real life, but based on my football manager 2006, he seems to be a near clone of vieira, except in brazilian disguise.

These are my recommendations, and they are based on several weeks of information gathering and discussions. they may or may not change according to upcoming developments, but these would be the minimum requirements. naturally, it all depends on the presence of a certain tricky Portuguese winger who seems to have one foot in the grave after a certain match, where he appeared to have convinced a certain ref to send off a certain key Forward for stamping on a certain Defender's testicles.

ouch

Entry 47: withdrawal

2006-04-28T20:57:00.000+08:00

whee i'm going into withdrawal from lack of bintan.

it's been a long time. and a lot has happened.

i miss the climbing. i miss the games. i DON'T miss the trek. i miss the bungalow. i miss the balcony of the bungalow. i miss the town centre. i miss our scout den (complete with brain degeneration).

i miss the jetty, and the steps. i miss the indo mie. i DON'T miss fish, in whatever form. i miss the rock pile. i miss walking through shallow water. i miss my slippers. i miss the cheap food (tartlets at 60 cents!!! pwnzored!!!). i miss the free flow milo.

i miss the stars. i miss the sky. i DON'T miss the rain. i miss the wind blowing through the balcony.

i miss the freedom. i miss the slackness. i miss just being able to sit/lie down and talk. about everything, yet about nothing. i miss the air of lameness. i miss doing nothing.

i miss the residents of our den: the scouts, john, keith, keith, chris, song, shrey, ben, feng, justin, and all those randomers like feli who would come just to kope the hammock.

i miss the soccer.

i miss all that. i want it all back.

i miss bintan.

michelle put it so perfectly last night. a few of us were sitting at the jetty. talking. stoning. as far away from the main crowd while still enjoying the night. she said something like 'i've only known you all for like the last three days, and here i am sitting with you here.'

oep pwnz. bintan pwnz. i can say no more.

Entry 46

2006-04-11T22:32:00.000+08:00

I HAVE FINALLY EARNED MY GOLD IN NAPFA. I AM ECSTATIC. NO ONE CAN SPOIL THIS MOMENT FOR ME

ok my scores aren't exactly perfect. but they're enough. woot

sit and reach: 39 cm (C)
standing broad jump: 234 cm (C)
chin ups: 7 (C)
sit ups: 40 (B)
shuttle run: 9.0s (A)
2.4 km run: 9mins 24s (A)

for a grand total of 23 points, and all stations being C and above. which means a gold for me. celebrate.

i really need to work on controlling my temper. i get pissed off wayyy too easily nowadays. for example. playing soccer after pe today. maybe i was exhausted. maybe i wan't paying attention. i let in a few too many goals for my liking. it didn't matter much to me, because as keeper i would still end up playing in every match, even if i conceded. but it finally got to me that i was letting a lot. as in. whoever had me as keeper was almost always out. so i think i finally snapped and just kicked the ball away. i don't even know why. just got pissed off with myself. haiz.

on a brighter note: I STILL HAVE A GOLD FOR NAPFA!!!!

"Lifehouse - Blind"

I was young but I wasn't naive
I watched helpless as he turned around to leave
And still I have the pain I have to carry
A past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

I would fall asleep
Only in hopes of dreaming
That everything would be like is was before
But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting
They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

After all this time
Would you ever wanna leave it
Maybe you could not believe it
That my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you will ever know
A part of me died when I let you go
And I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me dies when I let you go

Slip Out The Back

2006-04-06T20:36:00.000+08:00

Fort Minor -
"Slip Out The Back"

You know me, I used to get caught up in everyday life
Tried to make it through my day so i could sleep at night
Tried to figure out my way through the maze
Of rights and wrongs, but like you used to say
Nothing feels like it's really worth it
Forget perfect, i'm trying not to be worthless
Since i last saw you i been lookin for a purpose
Well i met this kid who thought like i did
He had a weird way of lookin at it
This is what he said

Slip out the back before they know you were there
And at the worst you'll see nobody cares
Cos you dont wana be around when it all goes down
Even heroes know when to be scared
Slip out the back before they know you were there
And at the worst you'll see nobody cares
Cos you dont wana be around when it all goes down
Even heroes know when to be scared

I dont remember where i met him or remember his name
But he walked funny like he was too big for his frame
Just over five foot but he weighed a buck fifty
And what he said just seemed so right it stuck with me
Listen its like poker you can play your best
But you got to know when to fold your cards and take a rest
And know when to hold your cards and hold your breath
And hope that nobody else is stacking the deck because
I dont need to tell you that life isnt fair, it doesnt care
It arbitrarily cuts off your air, and like you i want someone to say its okay
But in the truest parts of our hearts everybody's afraid
But just underappreciated and overwhelmed
Fighting so hard to hide our fear that were scaring ourselves
You understand when im saying that you always did
But its different in the words of a cowardly kid

Slip out the back before they know you were there
And at the worst you'll see nobody cares
Cos you dont wana be around when it all goes down
Even heroes know when to be scared
Slip out the back before they know you were there
And at the worst you'll see nobody cares
Cos you dont wana be around when it all goes down
Even heroes know when to be scared

Im no hero, you remember how i was, you know
All i ever did was worry, feeling out of control
To the point where everything was going end over end
Im spinning around in circles again
This is where you come in
All of this to explain to you why
I had to separate myself away from yesterday's life
Please remember this isn't how i hoped it would be
But i had to protect you from me
Thats why i slipped out the back before you knew i was there
I know you felt unprepared
But every single time i was around i just bring you down
And i could tell that it was time to be scared
Thats why i slipped out the back before you knew i was there
And i know the way i left wasnt fair
I didnt want to be around just to bring you down
Im not a hero but dont think i didnt care

Entry 45

2006-03-18T18:58:00.000+08:00

i have discovered that the beach is a very good place to train football, especially when it comes to drop-kicking and goalie training. simply because there is so much space. it also helps with dribbling practice because you have hell trying to just move in the sand. most of all when you're playing barefoot.

ok i'm quite sian. i'll continue this post later. maybe.

One More Moment

2006-03-17T16:04:00.000+08:00

Ronin - One More Moment

Don't take too long to say i love you
to the ones you love
cause time has a habit
of slipping away....

And out on a clear blue sky
when lightning strikes on a sunny day
just take me in
and keep me from the rain....

And the words that seem so hard to say
come out when you've gone away
Just stay a little while
and here me say....

That i want you here tonight
and i need you by my side
for just one more moment,
for just one more moment with you

Turn away and say goodbye
with each and every word
that passes by
like a distant memory....

And time keeps slipping away
and time will turn to grey
and time will be
the one who holds you down....

And the words that seem so hard to say
come out when you've gone away
Just stay a little while
and here me say....

And i want you here tonight
and i need you by my side
for just one more moment,
for just one more moment with you

And i want you here tonight
and i need you by my side
for just one more moment,
for just one more moment with you

But sometimes time will treat you bad
before you even know what's wrong
And in the end it hits you hard
Please tell me you'll be strong

(Solo)

Sometimes time will treat you bad
before you even know what's wrong
And in the end it hits you hard
Please tell me you'll be strong

Na-na-na-na-na....

beautiful song. thanks to jon lui for rekindling my love for this song. it perfectly expresses my thoughts right now.

for those of you who have never heard ronin, i suggest you do so soon. for those who have, but haven't heard this song, you can get it at

http://www.roninriot.com/media.htm

for free! enjoy.

Entry 44

2006-03-15T19:18:00.000+08:00

how life sucks when everything seems to be going wrong for you. but worse is when you think everything's going perfectly fine, then you see something or something happens that completely dampens and spoils your mood. i don't know why i'm so susceptible to crap like this.

so 'chamber workshop' has ended. and on a bad note, i have to say. we three cellists had major problems with that stupid funeral song thing. don't know what the hell is wrong with the guy, can't even stick to one time signature the whole damn piece. so we kept screwing up until conductor got pissed off and left early. wtf la. so we continued attempting to play the piece. not like we made much progress. gah. see la. first thing in the morning already everything going wrong. well thanks to carl ame and zab for trying (vainly) to help us out, even though you probably wasted all your freakin time. i don't think it's a problem with anyone else. it's just us. we'll figure it out. somehow. don't we always.

then had the rehearsal for centerstage. which actually went quite well. and suddenly we have this influx of swat members, till we had seven people in my team and 6 people in jeff's team, for a grand total of 13, including michelle and tina. this is even more than there were in blinded. which is good. i think.

the script is good. it's funny, lame and retarded, without being too slapstick. shawn ang, yao wen and darren chew are gonna steal the show. the best gang members ever seen on the cpa stage, even better than (i'm sorry to say) the tau huay gang. ah well. so that went well.

and now i'm home, first thing i do (after showering turning on com etc etc etc) is reading peoples' blogs. for fun. cause i'm so sian. then i see something. and i get depressed. again. and once again i question. i don't know who my friends are anymore. i know there are some out there, but the ones that i want as friends, are growing ever distant.

it's too late. ah fuck it all.

Entry 43

2006-03-14T18:16:00.000+08:00

ok this isn't exactly an update, but more of something to think about. because for me, it's now completely spoiled my mood.

it has just dawned on me, that we all have roughly two years left to be teenagers. after that it's NS, university and then the world. do you know how much that sucks. two years left!!!

teenage years are the best of your life. hardly a care in life, your path (usually) laid out before you. all you have to do is follow that path, clear any hurdles along the way, and work towards a single goal. life is so simple at this stage.

if you think that your life is stressful now, wait till you get to the working world. there, you'll have no path before you (unless you're working for shell), where every day, every hour, every minute can mean a change that will completely alter your lifestyle. for those of you who've watched Fun With Dick And Jane, take a lesson from it. the working life sucks. so don't think that working life = rolling around in money. you'll have to bust your ass just to make sure that you have a chance at rolling around in money. and even that's not guaranteed.

why'd i start thinking about this crap. now i'm completely depressed. yuck.

Entry 42

2006-03-13T20:14:00.000+08:00

zZzZzZzZzZz.... wha what. huh what's that you said. no you're kidding. can't be. first of all doesn't feel like it. secondly it's too early. what's that? you're dead serious? haiz. must be then.

so the holidays are here. despite being one week. a welcome respite from the rigours of daily school life. but it really does not feel like holidays. there's so much work to do. the only relief i have is the chance to get more than 4 hours of sleep a night. ah lovely bed.

anyway.

one week of track runs finally over. let's see what happened at each one:

Monday 6/3/2006 - 100m heats Open Boys.

a lot of people ran for this. so much so that there were originally three heats, with about seven people each heat, for a total of 21 runners. 21!!! but being typical ACS boys, just under half failed to turn up and were disqualified. yay. so three heats became two. and thankfully i was in the second heat. with the not-so-crazy runners, people like chris chua, bose, kenneth lui, jun wei and eggy. the only mad dog in our heat was ben chia, who naturally won.

but they screwed up the names, so it ended up that jonathan tay (aka mousy) was in the finals, which shouldn't be, considering he didn't even run the race. so yeah. but more significantly, i'm in the finals!!! for our heat we had this massive jumble at the end, like everyone came in almost on par: me chris chua and kenneth lui were like within 0.1 seconds of each other, with bose just slightly behind. so three of us qualified and bose didn't. ah well. so the 8 in the finals are:

me, chris chua, kenneth lui, matthew mun, zhi yuan, ben chia, kiat, and some other guy can't remember who. and so we'll be running our asses off on finals day. too bad mousy didn't really qualify. then i won't be last =P

Thursday 9/3/2006 - 4 x 400m inter house relay Open Boys

this was one of my most indecisive days, when i was torn between joining my class at sentosa and running for the house. how i hate the feeling of having to choose between two loyalties. and i can be sure that this will not be the last time. not by a long shot

so in the end, i stayed with my house. my longer-standing loyalty to GHK finally won through, so the relay team on that day was me, mun, ethan and leon, against some crazy dogs from other houses. we really could have gotten something from the race. in order of running was leon, ethan, me and mun. or was it ethan, then leon. something like that. ah well. we did well for the race. between the first three of us we kept up a more or less second or third placing throughout the race. unfortunately mun's muscles weren't up to the strain.

no i'm not blaming him. it's not his fault we were last. on the contrary, i salute him for even running, knowing the condition his legs were in. and it doesn't matter our position. we all know in our hearts taht we would have gotten at least third, and that's good enough for us. personally i have earned the genuine respect of some of the other runners, after what i consider to be one of my best 400m sprints of all time. that's what matter the most. and that's what i'll remember most from this race.

Friday 10/3/2006 - 110m Hurdles Open Boys, 400m Hurdles Open Boys

ok so this was the day i was looking forward too, but i also dreaded it a fair amount, because i hadn't done hurdles since last year's track finals. so i was worried as well. but i didn't let that spoil my day, because friday was also second orientation! ok so it wasn't as long as the original, nor did it have the stuff that is normally associated with orientations, but there's no denying that it was funnnn. especially the wet games later in the day. to bad everyone ponned it. the ice bath owned all. i want another one! woot. and the best scene was seeing (and hearing all too clearly) cherie scream when it was her turn. the second her toe touched it, i had to cover my ears. well it doesn't help that i'm sensitive to sharp sounds (and these include girls screaming). but it was fun. oh, and seeing how many times fong got dunked. haha.

ok enough of that. but i'd rather not talk too much about the hurdle runs. i'm not too proud of them, especially the 400m one. i didn't expect much for the 110m hurdles, but i did want something from the 400. i did get my wish, although not in the way i wanted it. i want a medal, but i want to earn it. i don't want to get it simply because there were no other runners. and i really wasn't proud of my run, especially after my good one the previous day. i need to train more. and get used to the height of the hurdles. and work my jumping.

so i got a bronze for 400. but i don't feel i should get it. i could have walked the thing and gotten bronze. a race is only a race if there are more people than there are prizes, because then there is an actual competition to see who really deserves the medals. my only consolation is that i wasn't that far behind tim chan. compared to when i ran last year against those dogs who go by the names of ruzaini, navin and raymond. scoundrels.

so that's it. and now it's the holidays. chamber for the first three days. why not for the rest of the week. chamber is fun. otherwise i'm spending too much time at home. and someone is sick. quite badly, from what i can see. someone should take care of someone's self. otherwise someone's gonna get even sicker. and holidays are not a good time to fall sick. holidays are to be enjoyed (as far as possible). not to be spent lying in bed. i'm not gonna say who someone is. those who need to know already know. those who don't know. don't need to know.

ok i didn't expect this post to be this long, but nehmine. it's done. now to continue my fifa manager legend.

ciao

Entry 41

2006-03-06T20:25:00.000+08:00

stiffphen and tongkat ali. kings of greatshow 2006. =P

whee gangshow has finally ended. after months of preparation. and despite a few minor setbacks and technical difficulties, it was a great show *applause*. haha. so now the bar has been raised. we were "daring" enough to carry this out, and the gamble pulled off. it was one of the best shows ever, and many people agree to it. including our district people. who want a show next year.

good luck daniel yeang. haha.

and our dance was perfect. the audience loved it. slapstick meets cool. we started with this retarded dance that dom taught us, which was in fact adapted (but mostly unchanged) from the PJC fun dance. then we changed song to our all time favourite - Larger Than Life. that song means a lot to us. it was what can be considered our 'baptism of fire', the first dance we ever did in front of a full audience, at st.margarets secondary school, all those years ago. we were just beginning to dance back then. we were noobs back then.

now we are rightunders. reformed. the revelation dance crew. and we made sure those scouts and guides would remember us for time to come.

oh, and apparently one of the district guys came over after the RV campfire, which was being conducted simultaneously, and apparently he wasn't too happy with it. score one for greatshow '06.

so that's the gangshow/greatshow. anyone want anymore details, just ask me.

today was the first day of the inter house track and field championships. and for the first time ever i'm running competitively in 100m sprint. at first i really wasn't too sure of my ability, because as far as i remember, the last time i had run 100m dash was in....sec....1. so yea. a bit the lack of confidence.

but it turned out okay. in fact turned out better than expected. well. okay i'll be honest. i completely wasn't ready for what came. apparently i'm in the final 8 for 100m. they screwed up the timings and placings, but a bit late to change anything. so i'm stuck in the finals. which means i'm running 4 events on the day: inter house relay, inter class relay, inter cca relay, and now 100m sprint. great.

at least i know i won't be last. cause mousy is somehow in the finals as well. even though he didn't run. so a ray of hope at last.

now to await hurdles. i really hope i can get a result for it, because it's been my main event over the last four years, but the prospects don't look good. so far as i know, i'm running against people like zhi yuan, fahrul, singh, jj, tp etc - all of which could trash me on any given day of the week. not good. ah well. nehmine. just whack.

so my secret is finally out. didn't think it would be this fast. but well. what to do. a bit late to change anything. now you know. and i'm pretty sure others know. or at least 'suspect'. and they question. right. i'll bet you've told everything to everyone you know.

honestly, now that i think about it, i don't really care. i don't care how many people know. i don't care if the whole world knows. everyone can know it. but what's more important is that you know it. because now i can see whether you would accept me or not. and so it seems that you won't.

i want so much for you to be in my life. but i see that it's impossible now. especially since he's around you more than ever. i wish it hadn't been him. of all people. couldn't it have been someone else. but no. it had to be him. of course he's the coolest guy around, but still... i wish... for a lot of things to happen right now. but there's still one thing i wish for above all

if i had a wish, it would be to have no reason to make one. and all that is needed is you.

Entry 40: raving

2006-02-23T22:02:00.000+08:00

school is getting worse and worse each day. haiz. especially with our dear *cough* CT getting more and more moody each damn day. i really don't understand what is it with him. does he really care so much about what the management thinks about him? how far will it go before he realises that maybe we, the class, might actually be human, and not just pawns in his game of life, trying to impress the upper echelons. he doesn't care about what happens to us. he just cares about whether he's setting a good image for those who control his career. doesn't he think that we can feel too? doesn't he think for even a minute that we might actually be affected by all the shit he throws at us? say all you want about leaving other classes and being concerned about our own class. here's what i think: we're already different enough with you running the class. how about trying not to segregate us from everyone else. if you want to do that so much, go start your own bloody school.

you think you're so good. with all your brain power (?). you think you're so smart. and you think the world, and especially the class, revolves around what you want. in fact, i'm pretty sure you want everyone around you to think like you do. all you can do is impose your own rules on us. think about this for a moment. your rules aren't the only ones that exist. if they were, then this would be a very sad world. when two sets of rules happen to clash, by no fault of our own, you automatically assume that your rules and your demands are above those of the rest of the world. well, it's time you woke up and thought about other people for once.

the class is not a military camp. you talk so much about how you're preparing us for NS and all that crap. think about this for a while: we are 17, and some not even there yet. there are four girls in the class. maybe you have been treating previous classes like army camps, but times have changed. we have girls in this school, in this class, in case you haven't noticed. you act as though everyone in the class has a heart of stone like your own. you cut your hair in the hopes that we'll follow. so this is how i see it: you see us as your 'soldiers' in some fantasy war that goes on in your head. or as ceremonial soldiers with which to impress the powers-that-be.

i will tell you now. you can treat us however you want. you say you don't like scolding us, because you say we'll hate you and whatever. well, we hate you already. so don't bother trying. scold all you want. you are only one person. we are a class. we are a family. i doubt that has any meaning in your sadly deficient vocabulary. but that's what we are. hurt one of us, you hurt us all. maybe you enjoy making us submit to your demands. well, we have no choice, but you can bet that we won't make it easy for you. we will fight you. and we will win. because we are fighting for our survival. a cornered fox is all the more dangerous. that's the position you've placed us in, and so you have left us with no other choice. either we fight or we roll over and die. and there is no way that we will just submit meekly to your will. if we did that, we wouldn't be any more than animals. so we will fight. we will resist. we will rebel. because you have left us with no other choice.

i'm sorry i couldn't help you just now liz. i hope you're alright.

blah. that felt good.

Entry 39: love

2006-02-22T20:17:00.000+08:00

'tis a strange thing, this emotion called love. it is everywhere, yet can be nowhere. it is clearly seen, yet can be cleverly hidden. it is superficial, yet can be all-consuming. people have lived for love. people have given for love. people have died for love. why is it that just one emotion can cause chaos in so many lives, yet bring peace and joy to so many more?

and the best paradox of love is how it affects relationships. if two are destined to love each other, then the friendship that they would have had before this would be strengthened many times over, and both would be comforted by the knowledge that there will always be someone out there who will care for them in any situation, in any case, whatever may happen.

yet love can also cause the complete breakdown of even the strongest friendships. a guy and a girl have known each other since time began for them. but they never took it beyond friendship. then one decides that the time has come to make known the emotion that surpasses even friendship. however the other doesn't accept it, and they end up distant from each other.

i still see you all the time. but i can see others as well. i see how you are around him. i see what you do when he's around. i see all that you do, hear all that you say, and know what you feel. don't try deny it. you know it as well as i do. you feel for him, and likely he feels for you. both of you are made for each other in some ways. if it makes you happy, then i have no choice but to let you go from my mind. but i can never release you from my heart. there you'll stay forever more.

so fate has played her hand. and i am left by the road side in the dust, all alone, simply waiting. i'm stuck in this empty space, and i can't love again because all i think about is you. and with you in my heart, no other can love me so much as i know you are capable of. prevented from loving, prevented from being loved

invite me to your wedding

Story

2006-02-14T21:31:00.000+08:00

ok not so much an update. just a little story for you to ponder upon

14th February, 1989 - a boy was supposed to be born on this Tuesday, almost exactly seventeen (17) years ago. yet, by sheer chance, the hospital was full on this day. guess other mothers had the same idea as this particular one. so take a guess when he was born. i'll give you a hint. the hospital wasn't full the next day.

now take the date you have, extrapolate it 17 years, till you reach the year 2006. so now you know this boy's birthday this year.

who is this boy? haha. go figure. i'm sure those randomers who read this crap can figure it out.

if you really can't get it, look at the column on the right

if you're stupid dumb and moronic all in one, then i got nothing to say

Entry 38

2006-02-12T00:14:00.000+08:00

I GOT 6 POINTS FOR O LEVEL!!!!!

well it was for one subject only but....

I STILL GOT 6 POINTS FOR O LEVEL

with a lovely C6 for higher malay
nvm. i passed. i'm happy

so anyway. nothing much has happened since i was last here, a couple of weeks ago. school has been droning on and on, and i'm beginning to sleep in class again. not good. especially with the crappy teachers i have right now. c'mon marcus. start mugging already. or else we're doomed.

so anyway. the first phase of this term is over. common tests are coming up. and the interesting thing is, i don't really care. first of all, the school has done a very good job of somehow placing a lot of importance on the tests, yet at the same time making them seem completely mundane and pointless. strange how the school works. oh well. who am i to complain. i'm just a lowly ~~drone~~ student who has no choice but to follow what the school decides.

had an interesting PC lesson this week. so now it's become our mission, no, our duty, to take on the school and the teachers who claim to represent us among the upper echelons, yet are merely pawns in this game that the powers-that-be play with us. there are problems. plenty of them. we raise them up. somehow my teacher does an amazing job of talking about everything under the sun that is remotely connected to my question, yet somehow manages to avoid actually answering it. mind boggling. should use that for my EE topic. whee.

ok so i've just received word that the hockey team is through to the finals of the U-21 tournament tomorrow. and coincidentally (?) their opponents are the ORA - the Old Rafflesians Association, better known as ex-RI players. but we have a good chance of winning. well, considering that a bunch of barely-17 year olds manage to take on teams consisting of anyone up to 21 years of age, and going all the way to the finals, is no mean feat. so all the best to the ISC team that is our school team. i'll try and come down for the match.

and tonight. something happened which i will not discuss in detail. but it is a very good situation to see how i reacted to an.... accusation. and i am not proud to say that i reacted fairly poorly. i realise that i seem to be losing my temper all too easily these days. every little thing seems to cause me to flare up. this isn't good. but i'm not sure which is better. letting your emotion out at every possible opportunity, or keeping all that frustration and anger bottled up, and one day, something will just snap in you, resulting in all your emotion gushing forth in one swift motion.

i've experienced both in what little of this year has already passed. hmmm. maybe they're related. because my pent up anger finally blew recently. and i think it was then that i started my extreme moods, most damaging of all being my temper. i have to learn to control this. and i've heard it being said (or typed) that people are surprised by how i react to the situation. so something has to be done. i'm open to suggestions. those few who bother to read this junk, anything to offer?

Entry 37

2006-01-27T22:21:00.000+08:00

happy chinese new year to all you who celebrate it. cause i probably won't update for a while. cna't be bothered

finally the long weekend is here. better enjoy it while i can. according to my trusty Tampines GRC calendar, there'll be no more holidays all the way till march. ugh. a month without holidays. how crap is that.

and of all times to more or less fall sick. probably flu again. shouldn't have gone for training. now i feel completely lethargic and just needing to sleep forever and ever. thank goodness for panadol. saved me this afternoon.

ooh but after training was interesting. free shows like song sticking duct tape to the inside of singh's pants, in the hopes of maybe exfoliating him. fahrul and aaron couldn't be bothered with subtleties, so they basically just chased singh around the whole delta complex. haha

so this week has been fairly uneventful. school is becoming completely slack. my class (and a few other classes) are becomign jamming studios, especially my class. as of today we had 2 classical and 2 acoustic guitars. now all we need is a drum set and we can have a 5.4 band. whee

i've just realised that i use the word 'so' quite often in my posts. very good

oh, and good job theodore. one day i might decide to do it as well. another two years wouldn't hurt. i've already been through a year and a half

i'm exhausted. i have no idea what to put here. everything that needs to be said, has been said. oh wait. not quite....

so another week has passed. yet it's been no different. nothing has changed. the situation is still as it stands. no wait. that's not completely true. there's definitely been some change. outside school you can talk to me perfectly normally, yet you never even say hi in the corridor. is it that difficult? am i such a lowly person as to not warrant even a greeting from you? well i guess there's nothing i can do about it. it's all up to you. i've done what i can. now for you to realise the truth.

Entry 36

2006-01-23T19:39:00.000+08:00

chamber is fun. especially reading sessions. cause screwing up in a reading session is more or less normal. i want another reading session! should have them more often. once a month is so not enoguh.

so i was in school on saturday from 830 am to 10PM. i'm mad. i spend more time in school than at home. wth. but the reading session was worth it. wheee. beethoven's 7th symphony is a funky piece. i wanna play it again.

then tan kang ming decided to promote himself by announcing that he was having a show tomorrow (sunday, which was yesterday. anyway). the main thing that appealed to me was... it's free!!! i mean, how many times do you get to watch a concert at VCH for free.

but apparently it didn't appeal to the others. as of that night, only chen jie was going. so then the next morning i figured, ah wth, jsut go and see what it's like. it's free after all. then found out zab was going. so that made three people. wonderful.

so i made my way there after having programme comm meeting in school. (take note: this means i was in school every single day of the last one week). thought i was late. and of all people to meet there, i chanced upon sean low waiting on the steps of VCH. apparently zab had asked him to go. so there were 4 of us. yay. but zab was late. haha. traffic jam. so we missed like the first few minutes of the show. it was ok i guess. didn't like the ravel very much. wayy too dissonant. come to think of it, the franck wasn't much different either, what with 'turbulent emotions' and stuff.

so then three of us (minus chenjie. dunno where he disappeared to) decided to go eat at esplanade. since there was only one restaurant there where i could eat, they agreed to go there. and had a nice (though expensive) dinner. then watched a bit of one of the free shows, which had a crappy band playing. and then we went for ICE CREAM!!! at haagen-daz. muahahahaha. me and slow kept on tempting zab until she finally gave in. so we ordered this monster fondue. complete with melted chocolate and everything. wheeee!!!! then realised that there was school the next day. so we went home.

so now the homework is really starting to flow in. and i have officially fallen asleep for the first time this year. and it just so happens to be.... chem. again. but well. there's still time to make up.

so we finally met our math teacher, mr ng yew hong, who basically told us his life story. the only thing he didn't say was where he was born. and he seemed to be telling us that everything he does is pointless. not pointless as in there's no point, but pointless as in 'it's open-ended'. i'll leave you to ponder on that.

anyway, he has this funky website for the math students. on it is probably gonna be our homework or whatever, but so far the only things that are there are a survey and a personality test. the survey is full of funky trick questions. but the personality test is unlike anything i've ever done before. so it has classified me as an INFP:

Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Perceiving

well here's the description for what an INFP is. take your time reading it. i'm too lazy to bother=P

then again i'll just post the link here.

http://typelogic.com/infp.html

there. another nice long entry to sink your teeth into.

Entry 35

2006-01-18T21:35:00.000+08:00

so after a long hibernation period (hey it's monsoon season after all. the closest we'll get to winter), i'm back to pump some life into this shit hole. back by popular demand (well, two will be counted as popular, considering a grand total of 3 people have been here in recent months), i'll update.

orientation was funnnn. haven't had that much fun since..... damn i don't think i've ever had that much fun anytime recently. except maybe kluang. but kluang was slack compared to this. congratulations to the crew for a successful and well run orientation, even though it was your first and a first for the entire school. good job guys!

and to Orientation Group 2: the CRUNBLERZ!!! thanks for being a great group, for being very on for everything and putting up with me for the whole week. thanks to the guys: nat ong, clement tan, bank, mark chua, tan jun wei, shivana, ronald ip, jordan tan, chan zheng hao (whenever you turned up), chris cheong, joel ong and jia qing. and to the three girls, zabrina, victoria and clarissa, thanks for letting us bury you =P. and not to forget my partner OGL: shreya mohta, even if you did abandon us during the acsiting race (jkjk). thank you all for making the orientation the best that it could be.

so then came the bridging week, full of random lectures. another good period of time wasting. the best of course was on friday, when we the champions taking malay b effectively had about two hours free period. well, there was 'lesson', but didn't really matter much to us. and in that one week, the year 5 guys played more football together than we are likely to play for the rest of the semester. well, the school does encourage friendships and bonding, so what better way than football?

bridging finally came to an end (fortunately and unfortunately) on monday, and yesterday we had what was effectively our first proper lessons of the year. most importantly we were introduced to the subjects and the teachers. actually i think the teachers are more important. so i can safely say that a couple of my subjects should be secure, but the other subjects leave much to be desired.

as to my class, we were involuntarily thrown about last week, during the bridging course. (to any 5.4 classmates reading this, please forgive me. i'm just being honest). when i first entered the class i completely hated it. i saw a class of half ex-GEPs. i won't comment on the teachers, especially with all the recent reports on bloggers and stuff. but i hated the class. i hated whoever put me there. i wanted out so much. at that point i would have done anything just to get out of the class. especially since i had been moved from what seemed to be the perfect class of 5.13 Ecclesiastes (YES! i can spell the class name!). i wanted to go back there.

but i guess God as a purpose for everything that happens. as it turned out, a few days later all the class were reshuffled yet again, and it seemed that those between 5.6 and 5.15 were completely messed up. at this point i still resented my class, so naturally i was pissed off when there didn't seem to be any change at all to my class. and suddenly the next door class of 5.3, which would come to be known as the monastery for its lack of girls, seemed like the perfect class. i knew almost everyone in that class, compared to 5.4 where i barely knew half of them.

again i wanted out of 5.4 so much. but it was not to be. for better or for worse i was stuck with this class.

ok now i really must apologise to those classmates who read this. you guys (and girls) have proven to be a fairly fun loving class, contrary to what i believed. there's nothing much i can say about you all, other than that i'm sure we're going to thoroughly enjoy each others' company for the next two years. NUMBERS FOREVER!!!

so yeah. now everyone is up to date (everyone being kink, ethan, and maybe sean low). and my leg is killing me again. thank you song yun for giving me this beautiful bruise right above my ankle.

and our first chamber rehearsal for the year proved to be an... interesting one. we were all basically sight reading the thing. the first piece wasn't too bad, but we more or less died many times over during the waltz thingie (why are we always doing waltzes?).

so here you are. a nice long update after a nice long wait.

i see you around everyday. i've known you for long enough. you're just across the level. but it seems like a million miles away. there's nothing i can do to get closer, because the walls have ears. too many would know.

yet you stole my heart. without even knowing it. now whenever i see you i can't help but look at you and wonder, will you ever notice me? will i ever be part of your life? or am i destined to just while away the days wondering, what life would be like had you accepted me. there's nothing that can be done now. nothing but to wait, and see where life takes you and me...

you may know who you are if you read this, which i doubt. but if you do, please, please, let me know. i want to know so much. will you be mine?

notification

2005-12-08T23:35:00.000+08:00

ok this isn't so much of an update as a notification. to whoever reads this junk, i will be away for the next *think think think* *YES IT WORKS!* *oh wait it doesn't* ok forget how many days. but i'll be back around christmas time. hopefully i'll be able to give an account of my trip. but i probably won't. so stay tuned for the next update. which will take a very. very. very. very. veryveryveryveryveryveryveryveryveryveryveryveryveryveryveryveryveryveryveryveryvery. long time.

Entry 34

2005-11-16T19:05:00.000+08:00

yay sentosa was fun! once again thanks to 416 who made the last two years the most memorable two years of my life. so far. and ethan, make sure your wrist recovers soon. have to play some more.

my legs hurt after yesterday. aching. running around in the sand trying to control the ball. and only when i took a shower did i realise how many cuts i had on my leg. suddenly everywhere stung. ah well. all tiny cuts. but it didn't diminish the fact that i had a good time yesterday. and i managed to stop jarvin! twice! who cares if it's out of twenty times. i stopped him! haha.

actually the ache was from the day before. but i'll get to that in a minute.

so now i still have to do BLT's soundtrack. thanks to stupid ken tay, BLT only called me on monday night. he wants it before friday, and since we were in sentosa yesterday, and i have training tomorrow, i'll have today to do it. gah.

speaking of training (best for last), i am now officially in hockey. yay! and after one training, i'm finding it fun. since i'm likely not gonna be in b div first team, i'll just be playing during training, and so far it's fun. so i think i'm gonna enjoy hockey for time to come. well, for at least two years. and who knows, i might play it later in university. anything's possible...

Rhapsody - Lamento Eroico

Langue in me l'eco infranto
al truce sguardo dell'angelo cieco
rovina in me l'antica rima
nel cuor del cigno ferito e morente...

Cosmi di eternita' tradita
di verita' svanite che ora versano
lacrime d'addio in un vuoto nero...
sincero e fiero al mio destino andro'...

URLA IL TUONO
AL MIO LAMENTO EROICO
SORTE... CONSUMA LA REALTA'!

Spiriti di mondi arcani
chiedo la vita al di la' della morte
per allinear le stelle amiche
e diventar guardiano celeste

Custode di eternita' guarita
di verita' trovate per tutti i figli di madre terra...
sempre a lei ho dato la vita... la morte...
cosi' continuero'!

URLA IL TUONO
AL MIO LAMENTO EROICO
SORTE... CONSUMA LA REALTA'!

[ENGLISH TRANSLATION:]

[Heroic lament]

Languishes in me the broken echo
at the grim look of the blind angel
ruins in me the ancient rhyme
in the heart of the wounded, dying swan

Worlds of betrayed eternity
Of vanished truth, that are now shedding
Tears of farewell into a black void
Proud and sincere, I'll go (to meet) my destiny

[Chorus]
The thunder cries
my heroic lament,
fate ... consume reality.

Spirits of arcane worlds
I ask for life beyond death
To align the friendly stars
And to become a celestial guardian

Keeper of healed eternity
Of truth found for all children of mother earth
Always to her I have always given (my) life. (my) death.
thus I will continue.

[Chorus]
The thunder cries
my heroic lament,
fate ... consume reality.

Entry 33

2005-11-08T23:37:00.000+08:00

ok here it is. the long awaited (?) update. it's not even been a month yet. but there's plenty to tell.

first of all, saying hi to my new class of 5.15 something. it's something cause i have no idea what we're named. probably too long to repeat. i only remember a few people who're gonna be my new classmates: shrey, nigel koh, kevin ng, zheng yang, ming xuan, brian etc. hmmm. sad class to play football with, as it stands. oh well. there's always .14.

and now an important announcment: THE HOLIDAYS HAVE FINALLY STARTED. stupid mep paper finally ended today. and so my mind is finally free. i can play without having to worry about any more exams, tests, and basically, studying. so now it's PLAY PLAY PLAY all day long. oh, and some random stuff like BLT's filming and composition, and OGL meeting on friday. but other than that. nothing important.

so now it's all to myself. and what I want to do. such as play football (ETHAN!!! PLAY MORE!!!)
and play com. and anything else.

so that's it for this update. until i can think of something else.

Within Temptation - Memories

[Whisper] Memories, memories, memories

In this world you tried
Not leaving me alone behind
There's no other way
I'll pray to the gods: let him stay

The memories ease the pain inside
Now I know why

[Chorus:]
All of my memories
Keep you near
It's all about us
Imagine you'd be here
All of my memories
Keep you near
The silent whispers
The silent tears

Made me promise I'd try
To find my way back in this life
I hope there is away
To give me a sign you're okay
Reminds me again
It's worth it all
So I can go home

[Chorus]

Together in all these memories
I see your smile
All the memories I hold dear
Darling you know I love you till the end of time

[Chorus]

Entry 32: memories

2005-10-17T12:32:00.000+08:00

gahh... my mom didn't let me go play football in school today. of all days. when most everyone who normally plays will be there. grrr. thankfully it's back to school tomorrow, since school - exams - lessons = football. but now that i think about it. there's almost zero time left before school ends. compared to the 4 years i've spent in the school, even to the two years i've spent with this class, 2 weeks is the width of a line compared to the length of a football field. very little time remains. all the more i should have gone to play today. gahh.

a tribute

an eventful 4 years i have to say. 1.9 james. 2.4 judah. 3.16 habakkuk. 4.16 enoch. all the people i've met. all the friends (and enemies) i've made. desaru. shanghai. kluang. tiger cup finals. sec 1 i was guai. sec 2 i started letting off. sec 3 i came to habakkuk. and in that class the biggest changes were to happen. not to mention in 4.16 enoch. last year we were still more or less in our own separate groups. this year those groups still remain, but more and bigger ones have formed, which stay only within the class. i will remember most the football group. which consisted of roughly half the class.

this is the class i will remember for a long time to come. i can safely say i grew up in this class. most of the time events would force me to adapt, but it's all for the better. i will cherish all the time i spent around these people, even having shared the same room as shaun poon. now that he and ming wei are no longer around, it still feels strange state the class strength as 30, when for over a year it was 32. the adventures in enochpolis. none will forget.

and i cannot forget the scouts. the plc of 04-05. us bunch of semi-slackers. but never despair! we have The Chosen One! i've spent about as much time with them as with .16, and some even longer, people who were in my sec 2 class, like kwark/kink/konk/kinky-tinky, and por(paul). and people that i've known for longer than those in .16. like maurice, aaron, lijin, jamal(you traitor =P), jon wong etc. there're many more. i'm just lazy to type. all the camps. thai camporee (remember kink's homestay), scotland jam, district pltc, recruits camp, cca hikes, stc, plsc, camp leaping wolf (i wanna go back!!!). the Rightunders Reformed. these i will remember for time to come.

these have made the biggest impact on me these last few years in acs Independent. despite being in the 'same school' next year, it will still seem like a different era to me, an era known as me secondary school life, which can be summed up in a few words: it was when i grew up. to anyone reading this, if you remember nothing else, remember these four years of your life, remember what you've been through, remember the people, the places, the trials, and the fun times. you will one day look back on these times and wish you were back here again.

i know this is a bit late, but to all the o level guys, all the best. some of you are people i will remember as individuals. some i will remember as groups. but trust me. i will remember you all.

Entry 31

2005-10-14T19:48:00.000+08:00

argh. every exam period i fall sick. i think it's the weather. cause the weather during exam periods is always fluctuating. perfect conditions for my standard illness of bronchitis. ugh. at least the exams are over. hang on... THE EXAMS ARE OVER!!!! well they were over some time ago (like yesterday) but i don't care when they ended. most important is the fact that THEY HAVE ENDED. and now taht i think about it, these exams would have more or less marked the end of my secondary school education. after this is fun fun fun all the way till next year. and part of next year as well

ah heck i'll have fun the whole of next year.

now just a few things to clear, with the priority being fasting. i think there's like *headache. not bothernig to think* more than 3 weeks left. so once these 3 weeks are over, the o levels would also more or less have ended. which means: COMPLETE FREEDOM FROM STUDIES. one thing to look forward to. 2 solid months of doing nothing but things that i want to. muahahaha

i'm raving

Entry 30

2005-10-10T19:40:00.000+08:00

ow. my whole body is aching. for no apparent reason.

yay 4 more days to the end. THE END!!!! oh wait. there's still hml and mep o's. yuck. ah heck. they're in like, november around there. not gonna worry about them until one week before. which will be end of october. which stil leaves me roughly *think... forget it* a few weeks to enjoy myself. oh well. at least something. better than nothing.

4 more days. 4 more days. 4 more days. just 4 more days. argh 4 days is unbelievably long.

Entry 29

2005-10-08T11:08:00.000+08:00

note to self: fasting month and 2 hours of football do not go well together. it won't kill you(yet) but you won't enjoy it after the play is over

finally! the big papers are over. and it's the weekend. FINALLY!!!! after 4 long torturous days. it's the weekend. THE WEEKEND!!!! yes i am happy. physics is over. chem is over. LA is over. only math papers and the stupid ib ml paper on monday. 6 more days (including weekend). then i'll be free. to do whatever. i. want. period. dot. fullstop. spot. d'oh

ok so i've changed the link. and suddenly the number of people tagging here has doubled. from 3 to 6. yippee. my influence is growing.

football rocks. and thank you slow for keeping my ball.

tonight i will have the most peaceful sleep i've had in the past... *thinks hard**OWWWW* erm.... long time. yea. long time. ouch. my head hurts again. and tomorrow. i will wake up. at whatever time suits me. no wait. i can't. damn

ZzZzZzZ.....

Entry 28

2005-10-07T14:48:00.000+08:00

my last post was on....15th august 2005. that was about...*thinks hard**holds head in agony* 7 weeks ago. ow. now my head hurts. from thinking too much. i hate exams. and yet i love them. hmmm. the paradox of life. IT'S A LIEEEEEEEE!!!!! ok nvm. random quote. enochians will know. if any read this.

so there's 7 days left before the exams end. at this time, on this day, one week from now, i will be one of the happiest guys on earth. the feeling of pure freedom, is surpassed only by the feeling of pure freedom and having known that you did well for exams. there's still a way to go before i accomplish the latter, but i'm working on it. i think.

so the big papers are down. only chem left tomorrow. the final hurdle is always the highest. physics was tough. i'm willing to bet chem will be tougher. not looking good. someone help me.

i think i'm gonna start expanding my blog. i'll change the link, get more people to link me, and boost my own ego by thinking that people actually read this stuff. whoopee. argh. exams are driving me nuts. must hang on. one more week. one more week. one more week.....ZzZzZ

oh. special mention. thank you amelia for your unending optimism. i'm sure it'll rub off on me. eventually. sometime soon. hopefully. will it?

Entry 27

2005-08-16T12:49:00.000+08:00

talk about overkill. as you can see, my new bag option is struck-out. so that should mean i have a new bag that fits the description there. and guess what. i do!!!. i had it for some time already, but since i haven't updated in a month (OH MY @#&*@#%&*#), so yeah.

but it's overkill because i mainly wanted a bag that can fit my mep file. i ended up buying a 38 litre Deuter Futura 38 AC. it is HUGE. GIGANTIC. HUMONGOUS (is that how you spell it?). GARGANTUAN. it looks like some turtle shell on my back. but it serves the purpose.

so now my bag needs are satisfied. but a crumpler bag would be nice :P. anyone willing to give me one? anyone? no one? awww

ok as you've probably figured out by now, this update is pointless. this blog is pointless. it's dead. i have no idea why i'm even updating now. and i think even those stoners who read this earlier probably stopped reading it already. ah well. to each his/her own

Entry 26

2005-07-20T11:25:00.000+08:00

just to clear things up. since it apparently isn't clear from my chatterbox, i have found that there is no difference between the kids' and adults' versions of the books. so stop bugging me. it gets irritating after a while.

but on a lighter note. yay people are actually bothering to read the crap i type here

Entry 25

2005-07-18T08:30:00.000+08:00

i'm bored so i'll update now. today had another practice for dance x (two more weeks!!!) and again we accomplished a lot. like some cheerleading stuff which sounds gay but is actually damn cool to look at. and RJC floor is as dusty as ever. and now my shoulder hurts cause i messed up a suicide roll. which means i'm not gonna do another one. as such. i probably won't do it for dance x itself. cause it hurts too much

i'm sure by now everyone knows that HP and the Half Blood Prince is out already. you see news reports about people queuing overnight. here's the thing. on my way to school yesterday, at about 9 in the morning, i stopped by tampines mall to see whether i had a shot at getting the book. and guess what. there was a total of like 10 people in the whole Popular bookstore, and the cashier was actually free of a queue. so i got my book with no fuss

as to the book. it's a great book. first of all, you can see that all the characters have grown up. and i think that this time, there's a difference between the children's and the adult's versions of the books. first of all. the adult's version (which i have) is full of everyone (yes, just about everyone) making out. now i seriously doubt that it will appear in the children's version because few would understand the meaning of 'snogging'.

other than that. the plot is full of twists. and there's a grave surprise in the ending chapters. no, harry hasn't died yet, or else there wouldn't be a book 7, but it's almost as bad. and the action sequences at the end are good as well. overall a 9.5 out of 10.

ok so i've updated. i'm now still recovering. so i'm kinda disoriented. i think i'll go take a nap.
___________________________________________________________________
"Bacstreet Boys - Siberia"

When you come back I won't be here
She said and gently pulled me near
If you want to talk you can call
And no it's not your fault

I just smiled and said let go of me
But there's something that I've just gotta know
Did someone else steal my part?
She said it's not my fault

Then my heart did time in Siberia
Was waiting for the lie to come true
'Cause it's all so dark and mysterious
When the one you want doesn't want you too

I was drifted in between
Like I was on the outside looking in, yeah yeah
In my dreams you are still here
Like you've always been

Oh yeah, my heart did time in Siberia
Was waiting for the lie to come true
'Cause it's all so dark and mysterious
When the one you want doesn't want you too

I gave myself away completely
But you just couldn't see me
Though I was sleeping in your bed
'Cause someone else was on your mind
In your head

When I came back she wasn't there
Just a note left on the stairs
If you want to talk give me a call

My heart did time in Siberia
Was waiting for the lie to come true
'Cause it's all so dark and mysterious
When the one you want doesn't want you too
When the one that you want doesn't want you

My heart did time in Siberia
Was waiting for the lie to come true
'Cause it's all so dark and mysterious
When the one you want doesn't want you too

Siberia, Siberia
When the one you want doesn't want you too

Entry 24

2005-07-10T17:08:00.000+08:00

ok so here i am on a sunday afternoon (another wasted one) and i have nothing to do. i'm supposed to be adding the songs for our Minutes of Glory presentation (which i think is tomorrow) but due to some complications, i don't have a presentation to add songs to. so i've nothing to do. again.

the others just came back from vlc. venture leadership course. sounded like fun. should have gone. nvm. there's still next year. and all the cool people going next year. so not so bad.

i really have nothing to update. i'm just updating for the sake of updating. bleh

anyone want to go for rock wall climbing course?

and i'm still selling tickets for chamber night. fastly buy. fastly. and i mean. fastly

___________________________________________________________________

to someone. i doubt you know who you are. i know who you are. but it's not enough. so i'll keep going. till i succeed.

i'll never stop

I don't know
Do you believe me, after all is said and done
All the lies, how i regret them baby now

I am the loser
And you're shining like the sun
Tell me why can't i still be your one
Alright...

I will never stop, until you're mine
I can wait forever till the end of time
Cause my heart is in your hands
Don't you understand
I'll never stop

I'll never stop

How could i ever, when my heart is in your hands
And i know, baby there is no turning back

You say that i'm crazy
And i kind of understand
How i wish for this nightmare to end
Alright...

I will never stop, until you're mine
I can wait forever till the end of time
Cause my heart is in your hands
Don't you understand
I'll never stop

Oooo....
Do you believe me
When my heart is in your hands
Don't you understand
I'll never stop

I will never stop, til the end of time (i'll be waiting)
Cause my heart is in your hands (my heart is in your hands)
Don't you understand

I will never stop, until you're mine
I can wait forever till the end of time
Cause my heart is in your hands
Don't you understand

I'll never stop

Entry 23

2005-07-04T13:48:00.000+08:00

this must be some kind of record for me. 2 consecutive updates in 2 days. whooo....

today was another wasted day. spent the morning and early afternoon at RJC practising for DanceX. audition is this saturday. we don't know what time. we don't know where. but we'll find out. eventually. somehow. that's what we always do. so yeah

and to any rightunders reading this. let me tell you. the routine is just crazy. it's unlike anything you would've ever done. it's much more physically demanding than the gay crap we did last time. and it's hell to remember. man tomorrow my body's gonna hurt.

but i must say today's practise was much more productive than expected. normally, we would have learnt like about 32 beats worth of moves in one day. but today we practically finished learning the whole routine for most of the song. that's like.... at least 200+ beats. much much more than normal. whee. we actually got stuff done today.

then went to eat at pastamania, and heard some weird and.... interesting... stories which i shall not repeat. because they are just wrong. there was even a phone conversation right next to me that also sounded wrong. errr.

yay tomorrow's a holiday. it's Youth Day, and i've just realised that there's only gonna be a few more times i can celebrate Youth Day. just like children's day back in p school, which ended when we entered sec school. Youth Day will no longer apply to us after a while.

which set me thinking. i've realised, it's gonna be a crappy life when we grow up and start working. sure there's the freedom. but imagine the pressure you'd be under. the stress now is nothing compared to what you're gonna face next time. so i say to everyone reading this, who is under 18 and thinking you're under a lot of stress. enjoy life now. you only have one chance at living your youth. make the best of it. you won't get a second chance in life.

Entry 22

2005-07-03T11:17:00.000+08:00

ok so here i am on a saturday evening slacking away. while trying not to think about the growing pile of work on my desk. because every time i do. it just spoils my mood. like right now. damnit.

first of all, i found that petrina's latest entry, which was like today, actually holds a lot of meaning for everyone. this is what school has become for us. it's like a mechanical system. day in, day out, it's the same routine, repeated week after week, no matter how much they try to change it so that it's not so monotonous

throw in a ton of work every week. and you get a cycle of work that keeps repeating itself every seven days. and it will never stop. until the exams. which is worse. or better, by your own view.

she's right. there's practically zero time to just sit down and take a break nowadays. especially when you have work to do, your mind will just stray to that work, no matter how hard you try to break away from its grasp. and in the end, you'll still end up doing it. that's the mindset that has been indoctrinated into us all. it's repeated so many times that we believe it now. 'you shouldn't procrastinate work. why do it later when you can do it now'. so because of that, we now end up losing all our time of enjoyment

this can't be the way. there has to be a way out of this.

this blog is dead

___________________________________________________________________

jack of all trades. master of none. that is what i have become. i can do anything. but it always goes irreparably wrong. every time. so what am i now. i am nothing. i have nothing left. and there is nothing that can be done. no one can help me. not anymore. it's too late.

Entry 21

2005-06-09T14:35:00.000+08:00

two weeks ago: holidays? did someone say holidays??? WHEEE!!! IT"S THE HOLIDAYS!!!!

one week ago: yay job attachement over. now to start work. *looks at work pile* *gulp* yep. better start soon

now: hey i've started on work already. i've finished ONE PAGE. out of maybe 30. hah. beat that. ONE WHOLE PAGE.

ok the heat and the boredom is getting to my head. i'm going mad. study camp isn't helping very much. in fact i'm getting stupider the more i go for study camp. and since my intelligence level was around zero, right now it's gone all the way down to some negative number. bleh...

ok i haven't updated in like two months (notice the archives skip the whole month of May). but i've been busy
making money for two weeks. and what with common tests and such (speaking of which. REUBEN!!! YOU STILL HAVE MY REPORT BOOK!!!!). so now i have some free time. i'll update.

dammit it's hot here

so chamber festival of arts coming soon (23 July) (see below). right now rehearsals are at a stand still. thankfully. cause i have SOOOO much work to do. including the LA movie. and ERP (shit! ERP! i forgot! 2#$&^(^)#&@^$) and of course. maths.

there. updated. i'm going crazy

___________________________________________________________________
i've heard it all before. of course it's fated. it will happen one day. but when is one day? how long must i wait? i don't want to wait forever. but if i have to i will. because i have no other choice.

Entry 20

2005-04-28T16:46:00.000+08:00

ok so finally syf is over. after months of preparations. we got a gold. so did mgs, st nicks, and a few other schools as well. Ri got honours. Dunman High got honours. but NANYANG got honours as well. and CHINESE HIGH got gold. something's wrong here. it should be the other way around. omg. how can chinese high be on par with us. they are like way above us.

i'm not pissed that we didn't get honours. sure it would have been nice to have those two extra words behind our gold. but we got what we deserved. chinese high didn't. they deserved more. and nanyang didn't deserve the honours.

here's the thing. we managed to procure a copy of the grading sheet a few minutes before the results (don't ask how), and we saw that between a regular gold and an honours gold is a difference of five points. so just 5 more points to our score and we can get an honours already. so what is it about nanyang's performance that gave them the extra edge, and what is it about chinese high that pulled them down? no one knows except the judges.

so now i'm ponning school (legally i'm on mc) trying to catch up with homework. stupid la. so much work. and common test starts next week. omg.

speaking of which, for those who dion't already know, here's the difference between a common test and a mid year exam. it has nothing to do with percentages. it has very little to do with psychological destressing. it has everything to do with the fact that we have to be in school the whole day for common test. for example. i think on the tuesday. the first paper is history. second paper is core maths. which is at 12 50. however, those not taking history (and that's most of the ib cohort) have to be in school at 8. therefore we'll be stuck in school for about 5 hours and are supposed to spend it studying. how fun.

oh well. life sucks. what to do. better start on homework.

crap i want that deuter bag.
___________________________________________________________________

"Green Day - Holiday"

Hear the sound of the falling rain
Coming down like an Armageddon flame (Hey!)
The shame
The ones who died without a name

Hear the dogs howling out of key
To a hymn called "Faith and Misery" (Hey!)
And bleed, the company lost the war today

I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies
This is the dawning of the rest of our lives
On holiday

Hear the drum pounding out of time
Another protestor has crossed the line (Hey!)
To find, the money's on the other side

Can I get another Amen? (Amen!)
There's a flag wrapped around a score of men (Hey!)
A gag, A plastic bag on a monument

I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies
This is the dawning of the rest of our lives
On holiday

"The representative from California has the floor"
Zieg Heil to the president gasman
Bombs away is your punishment
Pulverize the Eiffel towers
Who criticize your government
Bang bang goes the broken glass and
Kill all the fags that don't agree
Trials by fire, setting fire
Is not a way that's meant for me
Just cause, just cause, because we're outlaws yeah!

I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies
This is the dawning of the rest of our lives
I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies
This is the dawning of the rest of our lives

This is our lives on holiday (feedback continues into boulevard of broken dreams)

Entry 19

2005-04-16T20:52:00.000+08:00

*note to kentay. ok i've linked acxis. happy now?*

ok so i haven't updated in about 5 days. nothing to report on anyway. basically i think this blog is gonna rot again. oh well. no. it must not rot. must be disciplined. must maintain this blog.... ok i'm losing my mind again

ok it's confirmed. i'm sick again. wth la. sick all the time. blardy hell

i'm pretty sure everyone knows by now that we lost the rugby finals to saints. haiz. to any ruggers that read this, i truly bow down to you. you had so much pressure on you to bring back the trophy this year. you played amazingly well. shannon. gordon. david. jj. abraham. ben koh. all the others that i didn't mention. you put up as good a fight as any. maybe you lost, but you went down fighting. no one can dispute that.

and of course, the saints were too busy celebrating to realise that one of their own team members had fractured his arm. typical

don't worry. there's still next year. especially the IB guys. you'll have your chance next year.

today was the inter scout troop soccer comp. ok so i came just in time to see the final match. but we won. that's all that matters. fahrul, ian, shane, and the other sec 3s whom i don't know your names. good job

damn i have so much homework to do. time to take panadol again. oh well. the story of my life.

i have to start taking protein i think. else i'm gonna be stuck with my puny self.

___________________________________________________________________

can't think of a song to put here right now

Entry 18

2005-04-12T10:34:00.000+08:00

haiz. another week has passed. at least school's becoming a bit more tolerable. especially core maths. thankfully i haven't seem to have had any core maths homework for some time. which is good. core maths homework is boring. a maths is fun. it's challenging. i actually need to think. core maths is a waste of time.

haha finally got the dumb romanian song. Dragostea Din Tei. which means... *checks translation* something to do with linden trees. whatever the heck they are. but it's a nice song. a happy happy joy joy song.

WOOHOO!!! New record for 2.4 km run!! i'm not sure of the exact timing (didn't stop my stopwatch in time). but jamal was at 9mins 40 secs, and i was ahead of him. doesn't matter. i'm below 9.40, so that means i broke my last year's timing. YAY!!! time to celebrate. too bad i can't get gold this year. screwed up my standing broad jump again. wah lau. dam wasted. everything else so far is an A except broad jump, which is like an E.

and finally the class forum has been set up. it's completely out of point. especially Bob the Pirate, and his adventures with Lawrence, his foot (seriously). it's one of those random neverending stories you find all over forums. but at least now we have a class forum.

k this post is yet another dumb wasted one. ah who cares. it's my blog. you looking for a fight, come find me.

*punch punch kick slap pinch punch headbutt punch kick roundhouse-kick*

ok forget it. i'm in no mood to fight right now.
___________________________________________________________________

so my patience finally paid off. but it seems the joy was short lived. i was hoping something would change. it did, but it seems not in the way i wanted. oh well. there's always my personal motivational mantra.

i am alone. i am alone. i am alone. i am alone....

oh wait. that's not the motivational one. ah yes. here it is

patience....

Entry 17

2005-04-04T20:59:00.000+08:00

today was monday. the most pointless day of the whole week. it's so damn slack i don't usually see the point of coming to school other than to waste time. and stupid rain. can't even play soccer. wah piang. so sian. the only reason i'm going to school now is cause of soccer.

quick recap.

friday: the main day was quite pointless. april fools' day. couldn't think of a prank to play. ah who cares. to lazy to play one anyway. scout meeting was fun. cause we played soccer the whole 3.5 hours plus. ok so it was wasted. who cares. it's worth it to play soccer.

saturday: thankfully no chamber. so i got to sleep in. spent the morning reliving my childhood by watching saturday morning cartoons. pokemon. gundam seed. gransazers. justice league. it's so fun to just separate from reality. to just forget all your worries for those three hours. and enjoy life as it was 6 years ago.

sunday: yet another wasted sunday. went for tuition in the morning. then came back home. was so damn sleepy. so i went to sleep after lunch. around 1. then got woken up at 3. cause ivan needed me to do some stuff for him. and i couldn't go back to sleep after that. grrr. oh well. so another wasted day.
___________________________________________________________________

i've waited for so long. everyday i think of nothing else. but it seems i'm destined to wait longer. but for how much longer? how much longer can i wait? day in and day out. i dream. i think. i wait. and wait. for as long as it'll take, i'll wait. because i know that in the end, the waiting will pay off. or rather, i hope it will pay off. i want it to pay off. but it all goes back to waiting. i just have to wait. patience. maybe it's a test. a test of whether it's true. whether the bond is forged of steel or of copper. whether it will hold when put under pressure. or it will snap at the slightest tension. but again. the waiting. i'll just keep waiting. and waiting. and waiting.....for as long as it takes....

Entry 16: NO HOMEWORK!!!

2005-04-01T11:56:00.000+08:00

ok i'm bored now, and since i have some free time, i'll attempt to update. can't think of anything to type here though.

yesterday went for Muse concert, a combined concert between acs i, acs br and acjc bands. not too bad, but acjc was out of tune from the first note they played. three cheers for the acs i percussions!! marcus low and gang. they are amazing. too bad i had to sit along at the top gallery, where i couldn't see shit. even better, the lights directly above the stage were actually below our seating level, so it seemed as though the stage itself was glowing, since the lights themselves couldn't be seen.

think i'm gonna fall sick soon. again. dammit. here i was just beginning to fall into my routine again, and i have to fall sick. grrr. and my hair looks dam weird. like, it looks as though it's balding at the sides. oh well. at least i won't have to cut it for a while.

crap. i've sent a hell lot of messages this month. i'm like 2 messages from going over limit. thankfully today is the last day of the month, so i will refrain myself from sms-ing anyone tonight.

ok i'm tired. and i have nothing else to say. so i'll stop here.
to the quartet who's playing at masterclass right now, good luck, god bless. hope you get to the esplanade.

5-5. how could you. it's just wrong.

___________________________________________________________________

No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes

And no one knows
What it's like to be hated
To be fated to telling only lies

[Chorus:]
But my dreams they aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free

No one knows what its like
To feel these feelings
Like i do, and i blame you!

No one bites back as hard
On their anger
None of my pain and woe
Can show through

[Chorus]

Discover l.i.m.p. say it [x4]

No one knows what its like
To be mistreated, to be defeated
Behind blue eyes

No one knows how to say
That they're sorry and don't worry
I'm not telling lies

[Chorus]

No one knows what its like
To be the bad man, to be the sad man
Behind blue eyes.

Entry 15: Encore

2005-03-26T14:05:00.000+08:00

hmm. in Joelle's words "haha haven't been here in 365465168469184949 years." or something like that. ok fine it's been about....*thinks hard**25-7=18**18 divided by 7 = 2.5 or something like that* ok so i haven't been here for around 2 1/2 weeks. ok that is long. but not as long as 365465168469184949 years. ok i'm blabbing. ignore this paragraph

karkin is pestering me to update, especially about encore. so here i am updating. yay i'm updating. time to celebrate *jumps around like a hyperactive maniac on drugs* ok i'm back. since karkin wants me to tell about collage/encore, so i will...

saturday, 12th march, 2005. a historic date for our dance com. this was to be our last dance for acs scouts. ever. until maybe next year's gangshow. which we are planning. anyway. this was long in the making. the song was being mixed as early as.... god knows how long ago. around end of last year. the choreography was also worked on for a long time, with countless emails to everyone.

disaster already struck two days before. aaron quit. there was nothing we could do. so we were down to 8. frantic email from kink to everyone else to try and adjust the formations and everything. fortunately it wasn't that big a blow. just a little editing of the song, and a bit of shifting people around.

so by saturday we were ready. we had a little bit of practice, but even then, i wasn't convinced that we were ready. the number of proper practices we had, i could count on my fingers. but energy was high. confidence was high. and it dominates all.

the dance. no plan survives contact with the enemy. or with inexperienced MR guys. so it happened here. problems with lighting were to show themselves as the dance went on. but nothing could stop us. aside from lighting we rocked. our best dance ever. adrenaline was rushing freely in us. as the music started. me and maurice started nodding our heads to the beat. then it began. and from that moment on, it was like we were in our own world. i couldn't hear the audience. i couldn't see them. i could only see us. maurice in front of me, cheng liang next to him, and le chern next to me. i heard only the sound of our shoes making contact with the ground. but i did hear one sound above it all, above even the music: the audience clapping. in time to the music. that alone would have been enough to motivate me, and to push all my doubts away.

soon it was time for us to take to the back stage. and on came kink and gang. greg next to him. dom behind greg. paul behind kink. and they rocked. there's no other words to describe them. amazing. mamemo was amazing. breathtaking (dom was lagging, but no one noticed). so their shift ended. and then the breaking.

our strong point was never the break part. especially when compared to the ventures. but we showed that we may not have a lot, but we're damn good with what we have. paul and dom were first. and their side freezes were great. they were practically identical when they did the freeze. then came on greg. with his crazy handstand. at least his shirt didn't show too much. and his headstand. and an attempt at an elbow freeze.

then was maurice. his handspring. and his side-to-front freeze. and his nike. his strongest move. could have held it longer though (don't see jon wong's video. you won't like it). then came the tits brothers. le tits. and cheng tits. don't ask. six step. and side freeze. not as mirror image as paul and dom. but stronger.

and then it was my turn. i didn't bother to think at this point. i just let my instincts take over. all that practice. came back to me. i just let go. and it worked. at this point in time all my self doubts were gone. all my focus was on the dance. my jump roll. i'd started parctising only a week before. it was perfect. better than perfect. then the back roll. not as good as i've done before, but i was happy with it. then the front freeze. another last minute edition. perfect. falling on my side. just as planned. then the adult freeze. then transition to elbow freeze. perfection. too bad my no hand kip-up wasn't that great. a bit messed up.

then our star of the show. karkin. with his worm. and the biggest cheers from the audience. he's great. his bones are like liquid or something. freeze. minimill. kip up. freeze. kipup-freeze.

after this was the stone period before we got 'shot'. there were gunshots in the song. where we all 'died' and fell. here came the lighting problem. but wasn't too significant. we dealt with it. (screw you peter siew.oops...). so our ending formations. not too bad. could have done better. little mistakes here and there. but the audience never noticed. and that's what matters. we pulled it off.

then the ending combo. a bit screwed up. kink and greg doing freeze. me and maurice doing cheapo back flip with support from le tits, dom, paul and cheng tits. here i messed up a bit. i flipped too early. quite obvious. but nvm. it was the end of the song. none of the audience cared.

so that's the story of our dance at encore. our final dance as the scouts. before we go to ventures. if anyone wants the video. ask me, kink or paul. but note that it'll take about an hour to send

Entry 14: What's Wrong With Me

2005-03-08T07:01:00.000+08:00

ok so today is the annual o lvl results holiday. and i'm spending it at home. alone. so this is what my life has become. to ineveitably rot away my life sitting at home staring at nothing in particular. and to do the occasional homework. that's one plus point of having a lot of time at home. i'm actually up to date with my homework. and i actually have time to study stuff like chem. my life is turning completely upside down. what's happening.....

quick recap:

friday was life science symposium. bloody waste of time if ever there was one. end up we all sat in the LT for most of the day. but on the plus side, get to leave class at 9.40.

saturday: morning went for dance com at 730. ended up waiting until like almost 8 before karkin finally showed up and opened the den. then we practised. and as i sat down and thought. i realised we suck even worse than i originally thought we were. man we need practice. then went for chamber. stupid teacher pms cause people kept on coming late. and now we can't give 'traffic jam' as an excuse. what nonsense is that.

at night went for rg malay drama show with fahrul, arif, rizza and nazri. as expected, harith didn't show up. the show wasn't too bad. tried to be horror, but turned out to be quite funny. and i've finally rediscovered why i hate girls screaming. man it's painful to the ears. all the more when they decided to do a cheer in the relatively enclosed area of the foyer. finally found out that syaz and sriwani are related. never would have suspected it.

sunday (yesterday): nothing to say. seriously. i basically did nothing at all productive throughout the day yesterday. unless you count sitting in front of the tv half asleep as being productive.

monday (today): somewhat a repeat of yesterday. but at least i got out of the house to go buy lunch. soooo productive. maybe i'll go for a run later.
____________________________________________________________________

the years are are slipping by. i lose count of them. but one thing dominates my thoughts. it repeats itself, in a continous chant, a neverending litany. it gives me strength at times, yet it can also be my greatest weakness

i am alone. i am alone. i am alone. i am alone. i am alone.....

interlude

2005-02-16T13:27:00.000+08:00

hmmm. nevermind. forget it. i won't change the template. it's too tedious to customize it. not now at least. maybe next time....

Entry 13: AAHHH

2005-02-16T13:24:00.000+08:00

hmm. haven't updated in a long time. i should just make this sentence the title of my blog, since it seems to appear in all my posts.

ok today was my birthday. i don't know how the hell so many people know, but at least i haven't been taupoked. yet. i dare not drop my guard in case my class decides to give me a belated birthday 'present'. you can never tell with them around....

quick recap:

saturday - went for dance com practice, but could only stay for a while. man we suck. and we have less than a month till gangshow time. got a guitar for my birthday! yay!!!

sunday - went to pick up new glasses, then went to get my sister's new phone (6260. it rocks)

monday (yesterday) - somewhat eventful compared to my normal monotone life. yay! no more sectionals on monday (for lower strings at least). man they're a serious waste of time. then went to orchard and met up with jo and her friend, helping her friend to buy vday presents. walked around heeren and cine for about an hour or so, then went home. managed to cram the stupid malay project shit.

tuesday (today) - was a complete utter waste of time. like half the periods we had were free. core maths: free. MT: free. and of course for me, History: free. and so we're back to playing soccer after a one week stoning period. yay. then after school PLC was... weird. still trying to make sense of everything that we discussed. at least now i got a couple more badges to sew on. end up PLC ended around like 4.30, so had to take a cab alllll the way back to tampines. burned another hole in my pocket. then came home, did the usual stuff (yay i'm up to date with homework!!), and now i'm writing this stuff.

i'm getting bored with my template. so now i'm searching for a new one. and a new theme: wishes. and perfection. basically wishes for perfection. d'oh. but i can't think of anything else that describes how i feel right now, and i'm wishing for a lot of things. so that shall be my new theme.

meanwhile...*browses through blogskins....* ok i found a nice one. i'll put it in as soon as i'm done with this entry.

Entry 12: ouch

2005-02-03T14:41:00.000+08:00

Ouch. i haven't updated in a long long long time. hmmm. but since i'm free now, i'll update. why not. it's not like i have anything better to do. but what to update about. i can't exactly give an account about what's happened since i last updated, cause then i'll be here all night and part of tomorrow. oh well. i'll think as i write. or type. whatever

wednesday sucks. the timetable is horrid, be it week a or week b. doesn't matter, both wednesdays are complete shit. especially since the recess is broken up into two blocks. damn irritating. oh well. at least it didn't seem to last that long. but waiting for the end of the day is agonising. at least there's someone keeping me company throughout the day.

speaking of which, my new friend. literally a new friend overnight. just goes to show how useful friendster is. and even better, there's no one that i know, especially no one in school, that has any connection to her. hah. so no one can make fun of me.

ok, so this update is kinda pointless. ok fine very pointless. but it seems unsettling that i haven't updated in, what, a week? so i just think that i should add something here.

Entry 11: The Shit Diggers

2005-01-22T15:41:00.000+08:00

i've decided to leave out any names in my post titles, since i'm the only one that can read them. so now i'm just naming them as entry 11, entry 12 etc.

today is hari raya haji. when muslims from around the world complete the mandatory part of their pilgrimage to mecca, and this is to celebrate that event (note to Dmitri: it is NOT Allah's brithday. God has no birthday). so after coming back from camp yesterday with that stupid slopey feeling still hanging around, i had to wake up early this morning for prayers. almost didn't want to, but i knew i had to. then in afternon went to my cousin's house. was completely zombified until we started playing cards. then i came back to the world of the living.

since there isn't much to update, this post is gonna be kinda short. but there is something to note. one thing that i forgot to mention in yesterday's post about kluang. there was a little... incident that happened on the third day, which i won't describe in detail, but which resulted in us cleaning the toilet. and so was born the team of shit diggers. me, zheng hao, darren chew, and reuben.

the story in brief: one of the toilets was being particularly irritating, cause it was choked with some kind of hard substance, which no stick or rubber tube could dislodge. so it was up to me, darren chew and zheng hao to try and unchoke the damned toilet. as mentioned before, nothing could dislodge the thing without someone actually sticking their hand into the completely full toilet bowl. whoever wanted to was quickly discouraged from that course of action by the others who couldn't bear even the thought of doing so.

the last and only thing to do was to try and empty the bowl, so that we could see what it was that was causing the choke. so i took some sort of garden instrument that had a scoop at the end, and started 'shovelling' the shit water out of the bowl, and poured it onto the toilet floor, while darren chew was on a raised portion, and trying his absolute best to spray the stuff into the drainpipe, with a pathetically short hose that had a hole in it. my hat goes off to him for standing in the cubicle so long while i was at the door scooping out the liquid.

my hat also goes to reuben. one of the cubicles was marked as 'out of order', but some joker still decided to poop in it. as it turns out, the cubicle was out of order because of all things, the flush didn't work. so whoever took a shit in it, there was still a piece of shit there on the inside of the toilet bowl. reuben was the only one who dared to try and scoop it out, with the same tool that i would later use to scoop out the shit water.

for the shit diggers.

Entry 10: Back

2005-01-21T15:17:00.000+08:00

ok, so i'm back from kluang. i'm not gonna type much cause i'm sleepy, i have a headache, my upper body is stiff from kayaking, and i need to talk to someone. so i'll just give a brief overview of what happened.

first day: set off from school. had some sleep on the bus on the way to the campsite. when we arrived, we didn't do much, other than tent pitching, but that was already enough to give us trouble. i ended up in a tent which had no door, with zheng hao, ali, sean low and darren chew. our tents were on a slope, so i think that's the reason i have this permanent feeling of being on an incline

day 2: had our first two activities - mountain climbing and finding the pendant. both stupid pointless activities. at least the mountain climbing was fun, especially since you can't do stuff like that in singapore.

day 3(yesterday): kayaking and shit-pool rafting. kayaking was probably the most fun thing that we did throughout the whole camp. especially doing sprints. but the planning sucked. if you want to know more, ask me and i'll tell you. rafting was kinda fun as well, until we found out where the water came from. and this was the epitomy of simple yet effective. my group raft was literally wrapped in ropes, with a few reef knots thrown in, compared to the nice ones the others built. mine was the only one that survived long enough to make it across.

day 4(today): strike tents. then pack up. say what we need to say. then we're on the way home. stopped by at some ulu shopping mall to buy stuff, and ended up buying more food than i could eat. ooops. also bought a present for someone. so now i'm home writing this entry. and i still feel as though i'm on a slope.

so now i'm gonna go into my room, turn on the air-conditioner, turn on my beloved cd-player, and stone. good night

Entry 9: OMG

2005-01-16T13:21:00.000+08:00

omg. school is getting worse than ever. 'teach less learn more'. my ass. more like 'teach less and give as much classwork as possible regardless of whether we learn anything'. stupid core maths. so much for giving less homework. sure there's less homework alright, but they also tripled the amount of work we do in class. typical. it's like, the only thing that's keeping me going in school now is football, recess, scouts and free periods. other than that, there's no other reason to stay in school anymore.

my iso is completely and irretrievably doomed. there's no other way to put it. i have officially given up on ever hoping to get anything done about it. if i ever get into ib next year, i'm gonna choose some stupid research topic to do. something simple. like, 'how to gold plate a leaf without killing it'. speaking of which, no one has any idea how to do it yet, so alistair chew's offer is still up for grabs.

tomorrow is the tiger cup finals. singapore and indo. how to wear red and white and show support for singapore, when the other team's flag has exactly the same colours, minus the crescent and stars. oh well. minor inconvenience. so i'm supposed to meet sean low and go with him to kallang, where we'll meet everyone else, like all 25 of us. it's gonna be fun. that's all i can say right now.

monday we leave for kluang. since tomorrow i'm gonna be back home pretty late and i have to be up early on monday, this is probably my last post until i come back. back to kluang. the most pointless, useless and obviously ripped off camp ever designed. seriously. the itinerary looks as though it's a scaled down version of some OBS or scout camp. typical. make it look exciting, and at the same time put minimum effort into it. haiz.

still thinking of you. but which you. the question i ask myself everyday, every time i see...

Entry 8: Not Going Well....

2005-01-05T13:40:00.000+08:00

i haven't updated in a long time. cause i've been trying to destress myself after the first day of school. it was stupid. there's no poin trying to destress. cause the minute you think you're destressed, some other problem arises and stabs you in the back, and before you know it, you have more stress than ever before. sauch as: homework within 2 days of starting school. unthinkable. yet it has happened. my stupid malay teacher gave us a compo to do. supposed to be due on friday, and latest on monday. i'm seriously willing to bet that not more than 5 people will hand it up on friday.

the agony. the school seems to love change. and the problem is, they change too much too quickly. sec 1 and sec 2, the periods were 40 minutes each. last year, they were 35 minutes. this year though, they have made it near impossible to remember anything on the time table. the time slots are divided into blocks of 20 minutes. so we could have like a lesson covering two blocks (40 mins), 3 blocks (1hr) and 4 blocks (1hr 20). how the hell are we supposed to adjust to that kind of crappy time tabling system.

oh well. there's nothing we can do about it. only the powers that be have a say in any of this bullshit. it's always been like that. it's always gonna be like that. there's nothing we can do about it. unless you're the Freelancer. he can probably conjure some kind of shit storm so thick that it's gonna raise hell with the big shots. but that's not the point, should this blog fall into the wrong hands. i have not incriminated anyone. therefore there is no evidence to incriminate me.

so in two weeks time we're going to kluang. i have no idea why. kluang is, literally, in the middle of nowhere. it's a freackin' swamp area. my sis went there recently, but she stayed in the guest house. we're staying in tents. and we're supposed to bring sulphur powder, supposedly 'to keep away snakes'. as if it's gonna work, unless you put like one huge block at each door of the tent. chances are, the most it'll do is keep away those cute little grass snakes that can't do anything to you. how the hell is it gonna stop a python that for all we know is twice as long as nick chee is tall. it's pointless, and a waste of money, unless we have a lot of money to wastem which we don't.

so the second day back at school is done. it's been a horrible way to start the year. with only two consolations. one: i don't have to take the school bus anymore. so i don't feel like some primary school kid. i won't name the second consolation. only one other person knows it. if you want to know, try and find out, but you won't get anything out of me, or the other person.

happy (more like miserable) new year.

Entry 7: The End. And The Beginning

2004-12-30T09:19:00.000+08:00

two days to the new year. two days. somehow that doesn't cause me to feel anything. too many new years have passed. rather. too many uneventful new years have passed. i don't think this one's gonna be any different. i'll probably end up spending most of time in front of the com, as i have been doing for the past... one month??? has it really been that long? time flies when you're having fun. so irritating. and when you actually want to do something that you have to do (like ISO) you find that there's no time left.

these are the thoughts that are running through my head as i type this entry, a deviation from my usual midninght posting. but i'm bored. my whole body is stiff from having been stuck at home, sitting down in more or less the same position for hours on end. but think of the alternative. that's right. there is no alternative. at least, none that i can take advantage of. i know there are plenty of things to do outside my house. but then there's the tiny little barrier called my mother. and there is nothing that i can do to remove this obstacle.

so, in two days time, a new year will begin. every year, there's talk of change that's going to take effect when the new year starts. but just sit down and think. over the past years, how many significant changes have there been that will have a significant effect on our lifestyles? right now i can only think of one, and that is the integrated programmes that are in effect right now. but even that, it only changes how we study, and what we study. it doesn't change how we live, our habits. despite what people say, our lives haven't changed much since we entered in sec 1.

you can make all the new year resolutions you want. no one will stop you. no one will even bother trying to stop you. there's no challenge in that. you can come up with a whole host of resolutions, each grander (and more impossible to achieve) than the last. but the true test will be to put them into effect. you have your resolutions. how about trying to make them a reality. in fact, now that i think about it, this in itself should be a resolution: make my resolutions work.

i would like to acknowledge a blog that i found accidentally: cassandra aka cassie tan. that's where i found the link to get songs and whatever

and now the song that inspire me to change my blog header and title

"Boulevard Of Broken Dreams"

I walk a lonely road

The only one that I have ever known

Don't know where it goes

But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street

On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams

Where the city sleeps and

I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone I walk alone I walk alone I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me

My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating

Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me

'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah,Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I'm walking down the line

That divides me somewhere in my mind

On the border line

Of the edge and where I walk alone

Read between the lines of

What's fucked up and everything's alright

Check my vital signs

To know I'm still alive and I walk alone

I walk alone I walk alone I walk alone I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me

My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating

Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me

'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I walk alone I walk a...

I walk this empty street

On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams

Where the city sleeps

And I'm the only one and I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me

My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating

Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me

'Til then I walk alone...

Entry 6: Merry Christmas. Is It?

2004-12-26T14:53:00.000+08:00

first of all, to everyone who visits this godforsaken blog, merry christmas, and happy new year as well (in case i don't update until sometime next year). but chances are i won't be able to update at all next year. freacking IB. stupid ISO. day-to-day studies i can take. but screwed up things like ISO are getting on my nerves. i am so not going to finish my ISO anytime close to the deadline next january. oh what the hell. i'll just submit my standard POD style bullshit essay. at least i'll pass for having an essay at all.

hmmm. is it only one week left before school reopens? as i told someone already, i'm not sure whether to be grateful that school is going to reopen soon. pros: fun fun fun :P . cons: work work work :'(. oh well. hopefully the year passes by as quickly as 2004. who am i kidding. next year. crucial year. last year i'll spend in the main acs building. the year i start wearing pants. it's gonna be hell. a living hell. as if my life isn't one already

i've gone back to reading the famed Dragonlance series of books. not the add-ons. the original Dragonlance books: the Chronicles trilogy, the Legends trilogy and the War of Souls trilogy. i am beyond boredom now. i'm somewhat similar to those zombie things i slaughter in neverwinter nights. but at least they die a quick death... not.

today was christmas. supposed to be a joyous occasion, mainly (at least to me) cause it's a holiday. but it is completely wasted because of the fact that it's in the middle of the longest holidays of all...

i seem to have given up on keeping short posts. cause i've realised the true reason i started this blog in the first place: to release the frustrations of the day (week/month, depending on when i blog). and i'm using it to the fullest extent

Entry 5: Finally...

2004-12-22T15:56:00.000+08:00

FINALLY managed to get my interview sent out. planned the questions during tuition few days ago. then lazy to type. in the end i got it sent out this morning. now just have to wait for reply. then can FINALLY do my freackin' iso. waste of time, if you ask me. but the powers that be want us to do it. so it doesn't appear as if i have any choice

maybe i'll put my chatter box back up if i can figure out how to get it to reset completely. so that all the old messages that have been posted will be gone when i put my chatterbox in.

Entry 4: wasted...

2004-12-21T15:07:00.000+08:00

today was yet another completely wasted day. went to school to put up banners and posters. if anyone is giong to school, go check out the banner outside the school library. took four people to get it right. revolutionary. and watch out end of next year. it's gonna be even more radical. then went to eat lunch at clementi with le chern and leonard. spent nearly two hours talking cock. good relief from iso

speaking of which, i have no idea when i'm actually going to do my iso. there's only like two weeks of holidays left before school starts. and i still haven't sent out my stupid interview. i'm never gonna get it done. nvm. just make it informal interview. then send it. then edit the transcript. save time. then one day next week. sit down for... some... hours. and just fill a few pages with BS. at least i'll pass. grrr.

haven't trained for like three days. dam. better start training tomorrow.

Entry 3: WAR!!!

2004-12-19T13:24:00.000+08:00

that's it. i've pretty much lost my faith in the human race. when low down scumbags have to resort to impersonating and degrading someone on their own blog just for the fun of it. as such, i have decided, once again, to get rid of my chatter box. cause it's become more of a liability than an asset. and chances are, if anyone wants to say anything, they can use msn. it's much more effective. and i know who's on the other end

from now on my posts are gonna be short and, well, maybe not sweet, but they'll definitely be short. cause i'm getting tired of typing essays to post here. so to whoever can read this, my future posts are probably gonna be around this length.

Entry 2: grrrr....

2004-12-16T14:05:00.000+08:00

it seems that my chatter box has been there for 15 hours and someone has started imitating me again. grrr. ah who cares la. my life is gonna be pretty much the same with or without people messing around with my chatter box.

today was another completely wasted day. my arms are aching after two days of training. so i didn't train today. will probably go back to training tomorrow. i know it's wrong, but i can't help it. my arms can barely move as it is. nvm. just one more obstacle to overcome.

now i am at the limit of boredom. there is absolutely nothing left for me to do that i will enjoy. i can study, but where's the fun in studying during the holidays. holidays are meant to be enjoyed. not to be spent poring over books and trying to learnt a lot of crap that chances are you won't remember by the time school reopens. damn pointless, if you ask me. if you don't.... up to you lah

i'm still playing neverwinter nights. now i'm bored with playing the standard hero. so i'm experimenting a bit. druid black guard. ranger assassin. pure wizard. paladin harper. all the untested combinations. and they work. hell, they're better than the standard shit that i always use. i mean, who can stand up to a druid blackguard, who has hell of a high defense and attack, and can shapeshift into some cool shit like undead and demonflesh golems. i'll need to experiment some more to get the perfect hero, but it seems to be on the right path.

now, after that lecture about neverwinter nights, it seems time to end this pointless entry.

So am I still waiting

For this world to stop hating

Can't find a good reason

Can't find hope to believe in

Drop dead

A bullet to my head

Your words are like a gun in hand

You can't change the state of the nation

We just need some motivation

These eyes

Have seen no conviction

Just lies and more contradiction

So tell me what would you say

I'd say it's time too late....

[Chorus:]

So am I still waiting

For this world to stop hating

Can't find a good reason

Can't find hope to believe in

Ignorance

And understanding

We're the first ones to jump in line

Out of step for what we believe in

But who's left to stop the bleeding

How far

Will we take this

It's not hard to see through the fakeness

So tell me what would you say

I'd say it's time too late

[Chorus]

This can't last forever

Time won't make things better

I feel so alone

Can't help myself

And no one knows

If this is worthless, tell me so

What have we done

with a war that can't be won

This can't be rea

lCause I don't know what to feel

[Chorus:]

So am I still waiting

For this world to stop hating

Can't find a good reason

Can't find hope to believe

So am I still waiting

For this world to stop hating

Can't find a good reason

For this world to BELIEVE

Entry 1: Resurrection

2004-12-14T22:14:00.000+08:00

after a long gestation period, and after reading several other blogs, i have decided to restart my long forgotten and abandoned blog. for the regular visitors, of which i doubt any are left, you would have noticed that my tag board is missing. maybe i'll add one later on, but for those of you who were here in the dying moments of my tag-board, you would have seen how much damage it can do. time to take extreme measures. if you are reading this you would have noticed that i have changed my address, so that not everyone will be able to read this. and if you can read this, it means you are one of the select few to be given the new address. that's damn cliche.

i'm back to playing neverwinter nights again. no matter how many other games i play, i still go back to this one, cause it's the most unpredictable. battle for middle earth is so far one of the better RTS games of this year, as well as armies of exigo. but i'm still going back to one of the greatest RPGs ever created.

my iso is doomed. i haven't done my interview, which according to my timeline should have happened about three months ago. damn. and if i don't have my interview, i can't carry on with my project, so basically i'm at a standstill until i can send out my interview. and that leaves me with like, two weeks, maybe three. but i'm pretty sure they're gonna extend it. cause from what i've seen, only people from .11 and .12 are doing it. so that's some relief. but it doesn't help. cause i'll still have to hand it up in the end. grrrr.

i've started going to the gym. cause i got inspired after i finally managed to scale the sarimbun rock walls. but i cheated a bit. i leaned a lot on the support rope. not anymore. i'm gonna start training. so i won't have to rely on the support rope.

maybe i'll restore the tag board now, since i'm only giving out the address of this blog to a few people, so if anyone tries to fk around with my tag board, i'll know who it is. so ends the first entry of my resurrected blog.

grrrr. this blog is giving me more problems than i already need....