Eternal.Darkness

Friday, April 28, 2006

whee i'm going into withdrawal from lack of bintan.

it's been a long time. and a lot has happened.

i miss the climbing. i miss the games. i DON'T miss the trek. i miss the bungalow. i miss the balcony of the bungalow. i miss the town centre. i miss our scout den (complete with brain degeneration).

i miss the jetty, and the steps. i miss the indo mie. i DON'T miss fish, in whatever form. i miss the rock pile. i miss walking through shallow water. i miss my slippers. i miss the cheap food (tartlets at 60 cents!!! pwnzored!!!). i miss the free flow milo.

i miss the stars. i miss the sky. i DON'T miss the rain. i miss the wind blowing through the balcony.

i miss the freedom. i miss the slackness. i miss just being able to sit/lie down and talk. about everything, yet about nothing. i miss the air of lameness. i miss doing nothing.

i miss the residents of our den: the scouts, john, keith, keith, chris, song, shrey, ben, feng, justin, and all those randomers like feli who would come just to kope the hammock.

i miss the soccer.

i miss all that. i want it all back.

i miss bintan.

michelle put it so perfectly last night. a few of us were sitting at the jetty. talking. stoning. as far away from the main crowd while still enjoying the night. she said something like 'i've only known you all for like the last three days, and here i am sitting with you here.'

oep pwnz. bintan pwnz. i can say no more.

Aizat looked up at 8:57 PM

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

I HAVE FINALLY EARNED MY GOLD IN NAPFA. I AM ECSTATIC. NO ONE CAN SPOIL THIS MOMENT FOR ME

ok my scores aren't exactly perfect. but they're enough. woot

sit and reach: 39 cm (C)
standing broad jump: 234 cm (C)
chin ups: 7 (C)
sit ups: 40 (B)
shuttle run: 9.0s (A)
2.4 km run: 9mins 24s (A)

for a grand total of 23 points, and all stations being C and above. which means a gold for me. celebrate.

i really need to work on controlling my temper. i get pissed off wayyy too easily nowadays. for example. playing soccer after pe today. maybe i was exhausted. maybe i wan't paying attention. i let in a few too many goals for my liking. it didn't matter much to me, because as keeper i would still end up playing in every match, even if i conceded. but it finally got to me that i was letting a lot. as in. whoever had me as keeper was almost always out. so i think i finally snapped and just kicked the ball away. i don't even know why. just got pissed off with myself. haiz.

on a brighter note: I STILL HAVE A GOLD FOR NAPFA!!!!

"Lifehouse - Blind"

I was young but I wasn't naive
I watched helpless as he turned around to leave
And still I have the pain I have to carry
A past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

I would fall asleep
Only in hopes of dreaming
That everything would be like is was before
But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting
They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

After all this time
Would you ever wanna leave it
Maybe you could not believe it
That my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you will ever know
A part of me died when I let you go
And I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me dies when I let you go

Aizat looked up at 10:32 PM

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Fort Minor -
"Slip Out The Back"

You know me, I used to get caught up in everyday life
Tried to make it through my day so i could sleep at night
Tried to figure out my way through the maze
Of rights and wrongs, but like you used to say
Nothing feels like it's really worth it
Forget perfect, i'm trying not to be worthless
Since i last saw you i been lookin for a purpose
Well i met this kid who thought like i did
He had a weird way of lookin at it
This is what he said

Slip out the back before they know you were there
And at the worst you'll see nobody cares
Cos you dont wana be around when it all goes down
Even heroes know when to be scared
Slip out the back before they know you were there
And at the worst you'll see nobody cares
Cos you dont wana be around when it all goes down
Even heroes know when to be scared

I dont remember where i met him or remember his name
But he walked funny like he was too big for his frame
Just over five foot but he weighed a buck fifty
And what he said just seemed so right it stuck with me
Listen its like poker you can play your best
But you got to know when to fold your cards and take a rest
And know when to hold your cards and hold your breath
And hope that nobody else is stacking the deck because
I dont need to tell you that life isnt fair, it doesnt care
It arbitrarily cuts off your air, and like you i want someone to say its okay
But in the truest parts of our hearts everybody's afraid
But just underappreciated and overwhelmed
Fighting so hard to hide our fear that were scaring ourselves
You understand when im saying that you always did
But its different in the words of a cowardly kid

Slip out the back before they know you were there
And at the worst you'll see nobody cares
Cos you dont wana be around when it all goes down
Even heroes know when to be scared
Slip out the back before they know you were there
And at the worst you'll see nobody cares
Cos you dont wana be around when it all goes down
Even heroes know when to be scared

Im no hero, you remember how i was, you know
All i ever did was worry, feeling out of control
To the point where everything was going end over end
Im spinning around in circles again
This is where you come in
All of this to explain to you why
I had to separate myself away from yesterday's life
Please remember this isn't how i hoped it would be
But i had to protect you from me
Thats why i slipped out the back before you knew i was there
I know you felt unprepared
But every single time i was around i just bring you down
And i could tell that it was time to be scared
Thats why i slipped out the back before you knew i was there
And i know the way i left wasnt fair
I didnt want to be around just to bring you down
Im not a hero but dont think i didnt care

Aizat looked up at 8:36 PM