Eternal.Darkness

Thursday, February 23, 2006

school is getting worse and worse each day. haiz. especially with our dear *cough* CT getting more and more moody each damn day. i really don't understand what is it with him. does he really care so much about what the management thinks about him? how far will it go before he realises that maybe we, the class, might actually be human, and not just pawns in his game of life, trying to impress the upper echelons. he doesn't care about what happens to us. he just cares about whether he's setting a good image for those who control his career. doesn't he think that we can feel too? doesn't he think for even a minute that we might actually be affected by all the shit he throws at us? say all you want about leaving other classes and being concerned about our own class. here's what i think: we're already different enough with you running the class. how about trying not to segregate us from everyone else. if you want to do that so much, go start your own bloody school.

you think you're so good. with all your brain power (?). you think you're so smart. and you think the world, and especially the class, revolves around what you want. in fact, i'm pretty sure you want everyone around you to think like you do. all you can do is impose your own rules on us. think about this for a moment. your rules aren't the only ones that exist. if they were, then this would be a very sad world. when two sets of rules happen to clash, by no fault of our own, you automatically assume that your rules and your demands are above those of the rest of the world. well, it's time you woke up and thought about other people for once.

the class is not a military camp. you talk so much about how you're preparing us for NS and all that crap. think about this for a while: we are 17, and some not even there yet. there are four girls in the class. maybe you have been treating previous classes like army camps, but times have changed. we have girls in this school, in this class, in case you haven't noticed. you act as though everyone in the class has a heart of stone like your own. you cut your hair in the hopes that we'll follow. so this is how i see it: you see us as your 'soldiers' in some fantasy war that goes on in your head. or as ceremonial soldiers with which to impress the powers-that-be.

i will tell you now. you can treat us however you want. you say you don't like scolding us, because you say we'll hate you and whatever. well, we hate you already. so don't bother trying. scold all you want. you are only one person. we are a class. we are a family. i doubt that has any meaning in your sadly deficient vocabulary. but that's what we are. hurt one of us, you hurt us all. maybe you enjoy making us submit to your demands. well, we have no choice, but you can bet that we won't make it easy for you. we will fight you. and we will win. because we are fighting for our survival. a cornered fox is all the more dangerous. that's the position you've placed us in, and so you have left us with no other choice. either we fight or we roll over and die. and there is no way that we will just submit meekly to your will. if we did that, we wouldn't be any more than animals. so we will fight. we will resist. we will rebel. because you have left us with no other choice.

i'm sorry i couldn't help you just now liz. i hope you're alright.

blah. that felt good.

Aizat looked up at 10:02 PM

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

'tis a strange thing, this emotion called love. it is everywhere, yet can be nowhere. it is clearly seen, yet can be cleverly hidden. it is superficial, yet can be all-consuming. people have lived for love. people have given for love. people have died for love. why is it that just one emotion can cause chaos in so many lives, yet bring peace and joy to so many more?

and the best paradox of love is how it affects relationships. if two are destined to love each other, then the friendship that they would have had before this would be strengthened many times over, and both would be comforted by the knowledge that there will always be someone out there who will care for them in any situation, in any case, whatever may happen.

yet love can also cause the complete breakdown of even the strongest friendships. a guy and a girl have known each other since time began for them. but they never took it beyond friendship. then one decides that the time has come to make known the emotion that surpasses even friendship. however the other doesn't accept it, and they end up distant from each other.

i still see you all the time. but i can see others as well. i see how you are around him. i see what you do when he's around. i see all that you do, hear all that you say, and know what you feel. don't try deny it. you know it as well as i do. you feel for him, and likely he feels for you. both of you are made for each other in some ways. if it makes you happy, then i have no choice but to let you go from my mind. but i can never release you from my heart. there you'll stay forever more.

so fate has played her hand. and i am left by the road side in the dust, all alone, simply waiting. i'm stuck in this empty space, and i can't love again because all i think about is you. and with you in my heart, no other can love me so much as i know you are capable of. prevented from loving, prevented from being loved

invite me to your wedding

Aizat looked up at 8:17 PM

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

ok not so much an update. just a little story for you to ponder upon

14th February, 1989 - a boy was supposed to be born on this Tuesday, almost exactly seventeen (17) years ago. yet, by sheer chance, the hospital was full on this day. guess other mothers had the same idea as this particular one. so take a guess when he was born. i'll give you a hint. the hospital wasn't full the next day.

now take the date you have, extrapolate it 17 years, till you reach the year 2006. so now you know this boy's birthday this year.

who is this boy? haha. go figure. i'm sure those randomers who read this crap can figure it out.

if you really can't get it, look at the column on the right

if you're stupid dumb and moronic all in one, then i got nothing to say

Aizat looked up at 9:31 PM

Sunday, February 12, 2006

I GOT 6 POINTS FOR O LEVEL!!!!!

well it was for one subject only but....

I STILL GOT 6 POINTS FOR O LEVEL

with a lovely C6 for higher malay
nvm. i passed. i'm happy

so anyway. nothing much has happened since i was last here, a couple of weeks ago. school has been droning on and on, and i'm beginning to sleep in class again. not good. especially with the crappy teachers i have right now. c'mon marcus. start mugging already. or else we're doomed.

so anyway. the first phase of this term is over. common tests are coming up. and the interesting thing is, i don't really care. first of all, the school has done a very good job of somehow placing a lot of importance on the tests, yet at the same time making them seem completely mundane and pointless. strange how the school works. oh well. who am i to complain. i'm just a lowly ~~drone~~ student who has no choice but to follow what the school decides.

had an interesting PC lesson this week. so now it's become our mission, no, our duty, to take on the school and the teachers who claim to represent us among the upper echelons, yet are merely pawns in this game that the powers-that-be play with us. there are problems. plenty of them. we raise them up. somehow my teacher does an amazing job of talking about everything under the sun that is remotely connected to my question, yet somehow manages to avoid actually answering it. mind boggling. should use that for my EE topic. whee.

ok so i've just received word that the hockey team is through to the finals of the U-21 tournament tomorrow. and coincidentally (?) their opponents are the ORA - the Old Rafflesians Association, better known as ex-RI players. but we have a good chance of winning. well, considering that a bunch of barely-17 year olds manage to take on teams consisting of anyone up to 21 years of age, and going all the way to the finals, is no mean feat. so all the best to the ISC team that is our school team. i'll try and come down for the match.

and tonight. something happened which i will not discuss in detail. but it is a very good situation to see how i reacted to an.... accusation. and i am not proud to say that i reacted fairly poorly. i realise that i seem to be losing my temper all too easily these days. every little thing seems to cause me to flare up. this isn't good. but i'm not sure which is better. letting your emotion out at every possible opportunity, or keeping all that frustration and anger bottled up, and one day, something will just snap in you, resulting in all your emotion gushing forth in one swift motion.

i've experienced both in what little of this year has already passed. hmmm. maybe they're related. because my pent up anger finally blew recently. and i think it was then that i started my extreme moods, most damaging of all being my temper. i have to learn to control this. and i've heard it being said (or typed) that people are surprised by how i react to the situation. so something has to be done. i'm open to suggestions. those few who bother to read this junk, anything to offer?

Aizat looked up at 12:14 AM