Eternal.Darkness

Thursday, December 30, 2004

two days to the new year. two days. somehow that doesn't cause me to feel anything. too many new years have passed. rather. too many uneventful new years have passed. i don't think this one's gonna be any different. i'll probably end up spending most of time in front of the com, as i have been doing for the past... one month??? has it really been that long? time flies when you're having fun. so irritating. and when you actually want to do something that you have to do (like ISO) you find that there's no time left.

these are the thoughts that are running through my head as i type this entry, a deviation from my usual midninght posting. but i'm bored. my whole body is stiff from having been stuck at home, sitting down in more or less the same position for hours on end. but think of the alternative. that's right. there is no alternative. at least, none that i can take advantage of. i know there are plenty of things to do outside my house. but then there's the tiny little barrier called my mother. and there is nothing that i can do to remove this obstacle.

so, in two days time, a new year will begin. every year, there's talk of change that's going to take effect when the new year starts. but just sit down and think. over the past years, how many significant changes have there been that will have a significant effect on our lifestyles? right now i can only think of one, and that is the integrated programmes that are in effect right now. but even that, it only changes how we study, and what we study. it doesn't change how we live, our habits. despite what people say, our lives haven't changed much since we entered in sec 1.

you can make all the new year resolutions you want. no one will stop you. no one will even bother trying to stop you. there's no challenge in that. you can come up with a whole host of resolutions, each grander (and more impossible to achieve) than the last. but the true test will be to put them into effect. you have your resolutions. how about trying to make them a reality. in fact, now that i think about it, this in itself should be a resolution: make my resolutions work.

i would like to acknowledge a blog that i found accidentally: cassandra aka cassie tan. that's where i found the link to get songs and whatever

and now the song that inspire me to change my blog header and title

"Boulevard Of Broken Dreams"

I walk a lonely road

The only one that I have ever known

Don't know where it goes

But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street

On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams

Where the city sleeps and

I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone I walk alone I walk alone I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me

My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating

Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me

'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah,Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I'm walking down the line

That divides me somewhere in my mind

On the border line

Of the edge and where I walk alone

Read between the lines of

What's fucked up and everything's alright

Check my vital signs

To know I'm still alive and I walk alone

I walk alone I walk alone I walk alone I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me

My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating

Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me

'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I walk alone I walk a...

I walk this empty street

On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams

Where the city sleeps

And I'm the only one and I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me

My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating

Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me

'Til then I walk alone...

Aizat looked up at 9:19 AM

Sunday, December 26, 2004

first of all, to everyone who visits this godforsaken blog, merry christmas, and happy new year as well (in case i don't update until sometime next year). but chances are i won't be able to update at all next year. freacking IB. stupid ISO. day-to-day studies i can take. but screwed up things like ISO are getting on my nerves. i am so not going to finish my ISO anytime close to the deadline next january. oh what the hell. i'll just submit my standard POD style bullshit essay. at least i'll pass for having an essay at all.

hmmm. is it only one week left before school reopens? as i told someone already, i'm not sure whether to be grateful that school is going to reopen soon. pros: fun fun fun :P . cons: work work work :'(. oh well. hopefully the year passes by as quickly as 2004. who am i kidding. next year. crucial year. last year i'll spend in the main acs building. the year i start wearing pants. it's gonna be hell. a living hell. as if my life isn't one already

i've gone back to reading the famed Dragonlance series of books. not the add-ons. the original Dragonlance books: the Chronicles trilogy, the Legends trilogy and the War of Souls trilogy. i am beyond boredom now. i'm somewhat similar to those zombie things i slaughter in neverwinter nights. but at least they die a quick death... not.

today was christmas. supposed to be a joyous occasion, mainly (at least to me) cause it's a holiday. but it is completely wasted because of the fact that it's in the middle of the longest holidays of all...

i seem to have given up on keeping short posts. cause i've realised the true reason i started this blog in the first place: to release the frustrations of the day (week/month, depending on when i blog). and i'm using it to the fullest extent

Aizat looked up at 2:53 PM

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

FINALLY managed to get my interview sent out. planned the questions during tuition few days ago. then lazy to type. in the end i got it sent out this morning. now just have to wait for reply. then can FINALLY do my freackin' iso. waste of time, if you ask me. but the powers that be want us to do it. so it doesn't appear as if i have any choice

maybe i'll put my chatter box back up if i can figure out how to get it to reset completely. so that all the old messages that have been posted will be gone when i put my chatterbox in.

Aizat looked up at 3:56 PM

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

today was yet another completely wasted day. went to school to put up banners and posters. if anyone is giong to school, go check out the banner outside the school library. took four people to get it right. revolutionary. and watch out end of next year. it's gonna be even more radical. then went to eat lunch at clementi with le chern and leonard. spent nearly two hours talking cock. good relief from iso

speaking of which, i have no idea when i'm actually going to do my iso. there's only like two weeks of holidays left before school starts. and i still haven't sent out my stupid interview. i'm never gonna get it done. nvm. just make it informal interview. then send it. then edit the transcript. save time. then one day next week. sit down for... some... hours. and just fill a few pages with BS. at least i'll pass. grrr.

haven't trained for like three days. dam. better start training tomorrow.

Aizat looked up at 3:07 PM

Sunday, December 19, 2004

that's it. i've pretty much lost my faith in the human race. when low down scumbags have to resort to impersonating and degrading someone on their own blog just for the fun of it. as such, i have decided, once again, to get rid of my chatter box. cause it's become more of a liability than an asset. and chances are, if anyone wants to say anything, they can use msn. it's much more effective. and i know who's on the other end

from now on my posts are gonna be short and, well, maybe not sweet, but they'll definitely be short. cause i'm getting tired of typing essays to post here. so to whoever can read this, my future posts are probably gonna be around this length.

Aizat looked up at 1:24 PM

Thursday, December 16, 2004

it seems that my chatter box has been there for 15 hours and someone has started imitating me again. grrr. ah who cares la. my life is gonna be pretty much the same with or without people messing around with my chatter box.

today was another completely wasted day. my arms are aching after two days of training. so i didn't train today. will probably go back to training tomorrow. i know it's wrong, but i can't help it. my arms can barely move as it is. nvm. just one more obstacle to overcome.

now i am at the limit of boredom. there is absolutely nothing left for me to do that i will enjoy. i can study, but where's the fun in studying during the holidays. holidays are meant to be enjoyed. not to be spent poring over books and trying to learnt a lot of crap that chances are you won't remember by the time school reopens. damn pointless, if you ask me. if you don't.... up to you lah

i'm still playing neverwinter nights. now i'm bored with playing the standard hero. so i'm experimenting a bit. druid black guard. ranger assassin. pure wizard. paladin harper. all the untested combinations. and they work. hell, they're better than the standard shit that i always use. i mean, who can stand up to a druid blackguard, who has hell of a high defense and attack, and can shapeshift into some cool shit like undead and demonflesh golems. i'll need to experiment some more to get the perfect hero, but it seems to be on the right path.

now, after that lecture about neverwinter nights, it seems time to end this pointless entry.

So am I still waiting

For this world to stop hating

Can't find a good reason

Can't find hope to believe in

Drop dead

A bullet to my head

Your words are like a gun in hand

You can't change the state of the nation

We just need some motivation

These eyes

Have seen no conviction

Just lies and more contradiction

So tell me what would you say

I'd say it's time too late....

[Chorus:]

So am I still waiting

For this world to stop hating

Can't find a good reason

Can't find hope to believe in

Ignorance

And understanding

We're the first ones to jump in line

Out of step for what we believe in

But who's left to stop the bleeding

How far

Will we take this

It's not hard to see through the fakeness

So tell me what would you say

I'd say it's time too late

[Chorus]

This can't last forever

Time won't make things better

I feel so alone

Can't help myself

And no one knows

If this is worthless, tell me so

What have we done

with a war that can't be won

This can't be rea

lCause I don't know what to feel

[Chorus:]

So am I still waiting

For this world to stop hating

Can't find a good reason

Can't find hope to believe

So am I still waiting

For this world to stop hating

Can't find a good reason

For this world to BELIEVE

Aizat looked up at 2:05 PM

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

after a long gestation period, and after reading several other blogs, i have decided to restart my long forgotten and abandoned blog. for the regular visitors, of which i doubt any are left, you would have noticed that my tag board is missing. maybe i'll add one later on, but for those of you who were here in the dying moments of my tag-board, you would have seen how much damage it can do. time to take extreme measures. if you are reading this you would have noticed that i have changed my address, so that not everyone will be able to read this. and if you can read this, it means you are one of the select few to be given the new address. that's damn cliche.

i'm back to playing neverwinter nights again. no matter how many other games i play, i still go back to this one, cause it's the most unpredictable. battle for middle earth is so far one of the better RTS games of this year, as well as armies of exigo. but i'm still going back to one of the greatest RPGs ever created.

my iso is doomed. i haven't done my interview, which according to my timeline should have happened about three months ago. damn. and if i don't have my interview, i can't carry on with my project, so basically i'm at a standstill until i can send out my interview. and that leaves me with like, two weeks, maybe three. but i'm pretty sure they're gonna extend it. cause from what i've seen, only people from .11 and .12 are doing it. so that's some relief. but it doesn't help. cause i'll still have to hand it up in the end. grrrr.

i've started going to the gym. cause i got inspired after i finally managed to scale the sarimbun rock walls. but i cheated a bit. i leaned a lot on the support rope. not anymore. i'm gonna start training. so i won't have to rely on the support rope.

maybe i'll restore the tag board now, since i'm only giving out the address of this blog to a few people, so if anyone tries to fk around with my tag board, i'll know who it is. so ends the first entry of my resurrected blog.

grrrr. this blog is giving me more problems than i already need....

Aizat looked up at 10:14 PM