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Eternal.Darkness
Thursday, November 30, 2006
after a long long long time spent thinking. i've realised one thing. this blog is going to implode. my thoughts are going to destroy this blog, destroy the words, and destroy my head.

so enough. thank you all you loyal readers who have had to endure the torment of reading through my thoughts being spewed out. if any of you are left.

this is the last entry, and i want to end it with a song. but it'll take me a while to find a suitable one.

anyway. my new one (unconfirmed) should be something like

http://longroadforaizat.blogspot.com

or something to that effect.

i'll explain the significance in my first post of the new one.

anyway. i say goodbye to this blog, who has been a most unjudging and and unquestioning listener (i wonder why) as i played my life out for me to remember. but it's time to seal this place up. it will always be here, to serve as a reminder of what could happen should i ever go down this road again. but it will be like a plaque on the wall, untouched and undisturbed.

ladies and gentlemen, i bid you good night



Aizat looked up at 10:39 PM

Saturday, November 11, 2006
hope is a strange little thing. it can mean nothing to some people. it can be everything to others. hope is a view of the future, based on the past and present. hope paints a brighter time to come. hope is all about what you want, what you dream of, what you aspire to. hope can be anything. it can be for material possessions, spiritual perfection, emotional stability, anything at all. hope means you feel good, about what is to come in your life

but hope is a double edged sword. hope is based on intangibility. there is no way at all that you can know for certain what is to come. that is why you hope in the first place; because you don't know what's going to happen. that is what hope is all about - pretending that the future is always better than the present. there is a fine line between hope and obsession. let your hopes and dreams dominate your life, and you will think of nothing else. it will be forever on your mind, forever deciding your thoughts, your actions, your emotions. it will control your future, take over your life, and shape your destiny. that is hope, taken to the extreme. hope, when the person hoping does as much as humanly possible, and even more, to ensure as much as possible that the hope is fulfilled, and that is obsession.

so how can people truly say that hope is good. what good is something that you can be certain of, since that is the entire basis of hope, of hoping for something to happen, something to occur. hope creates a false sense of accomplishment and satisfaction, that you've done everything you can, and that you can only hope that everything turns out the way you want it to. want and will are two completely different things. one is indecision, lack of confidence, unsure of self and everything around. will is a sign of assurance, that something will happen. hope is actually a very destructive part of life. it makes you think that there is a better future, that what is to come is better in some way than what is in existence in the present time.

there's no point in hoping. hoping is about pretending. hoping is about not knowing what will happen, and in fact unsure if what will happen is better or worse at all. hoping will be the downfall of many, because they choose to bank everything on something they can't even be sure of, let alone trust to happen. gambling, betting, are minor pieces of the puzzle. certainly they are less acceptable vices, but nonetheless, they play a lot on the hopes of people, and this is where the trouble lies. even outside of such individual fallicies, communities, nations, the whole world, people all hope for a better, brighter future which is as uncertain as life itself. hope should not be a part of a person's life. it will just lead to his or her failure, making the false hope all too clear

false hope is redundant. hope is already false, by virtue of its uncertainty. false hope just enhances that idea. so again, hope should have no place in a person's life.

there should be no hope in this world. then everyone will be happy.



Aizat looked up at 12:48 AM

Monday, November 06, 2006
i think i can safely say i have lived through one of the best weekends of recent years (in terms of football). chelsea lost (controversially), arsenal lost (controversially and violently), and manchester united are playing brilliant football, at least for the first 10 - 20 minutes of a match, but who cares. it gets the results. it shows that they are capable of grinding out a result should the need arise, not unlike a certain adidas-sponsored team.

so now, the league table says it all.

man utd 28 points
chelsea 25 points

a 3 point gap has opened up, and unlike recent seasons, it is the Red Devils in the lead, playing the best football they've played in years, and with the most reliable defense available since the days of jaap stam. what more could a supporter want? maybe for them to play the same football throughout the 90 minutes, but it's a start, and hopefully they can build on this and continue their run.

tribute to sir alex ferguson, 20 years and stronger than ever.

let's hope it's enough



Aizat looked up at 7:30 PM

Monday, October 30, 2006
so there is more to you than can just be seen. but now, as i hear more and more, i question even more. see this is why i can do well, but not spectacularly well, for tok. i question everything, but i never seem to be able to find the answers to anything. and just when i think that i'm close to discovering something, a whole new set of circumstances presents itself that sets me on yet another long chase of discovery, and sometimes i wonder whether it's just a wild goose chase which will never end.

right now the questions revolve somewhat around the situation, but even more so i'm questioning myself. who am i? what right do i have to this unique person that is me? i mean, okay i have a different name and a different face from everyone. but so what? what is it about it me that would really set me apart? what's something i can do, something that i have, that is different from others, that i've not been born with? am i simply a jack of all trades, going through life's motions? i can't name anyhting about myself that is special. everything i do, there are other people i know personally, that are as able or even better than me at doing such things.

all these questions are running through my head right now, and they are seriously not helping the situation as it stands. i really really need to do something if i want this sorted out. but what? what can i do?

maybe i'll open this out, reluctant as i am, to the rest of the pitifully small world that reads this whining.

if you wanted to win over a guy/girl, yet that person may already have eyes on someone else, and you likely have nothing majorly special, what would you do? would you still go ahead and try anyway? if so, why? if there's no space in the tag board then use the comments section. anyone can answer this.



Aizat looked up at 8:36 PM

Sunday, October 29, 2006
who are you? who is this person that no one wants to talk about, that seems perfect on the outside but with what appears to be so much more behind that

and another thing. am i really that ignorant of everything around me? why do i always end up being the last person to know about anything, by which time it'll probably be far too late.

what the hell la



Aizat looked up at 5:12 PM

Friday, October 27, 2006
okay it's been quite a while. a lot has happened. but nothing worth telling about. i'm promoted (whee), but that's about it. oh, but something has happened. i finally know what i'm doing for my EE. how cool is that. didn't think it'd be this early though. oh well

next year my class is 6.4 CANA. what kind of name is CANA. ok i know the significance of it, but still, imagine putting that on the class tshirt (and then imagine a picture of pile of shit below it). anyway

yesterday was the oktober feast. some level thingie organised by the council. for the year 5s as an end of year thing. it was quite fun i guess. and the turnout was good, considering they anticipated only half the level turning up (but as someone said, if the dota gang found time to turnup, that probably would mean that most everyone would turn up). food was okay. and i made a new friend (i think) in rong xin.

it goes like this. the two geniuses ashok and anjan had a segment of the show to themselves. to do basicall whatever they wanted. so they decided to have a solo dance showdown (though it was danesh and shrey who won) and a couple dance showdown. long story short, i got called for the couple dance (the whole bloody thing was rigged. damned indians) and despite having been called to dance with someone else, she decided to dance with marcus lim. so i chose rong xin. and what a stroke of luck that turned out to be, for unknowing to me, rong xin is a school dancer, and between the two of us, we managed to steal the show. haha. though i'm pretty sure she's a lot a lot better than me. (considering i got pwned before i even started. haha). so yea.

remind me never to dance on a granite floor. i've discovered that it can cut your skin right through your clothes, without a single tear in your clothing.

xinhui you can be unbelievably frustrating. =P



Aizat looked up at 2:56 PM

Friday, September 22, 2006
i'm feeling particularly emo these days. stupid mark chua let me hear that jay chou nocturne thing.

I could not let it pass me by
Nothing I give to sacrifice
To bring me back your love
If only we could live twice
If only we could live twice
We'll meet in another life
If only we could live twice


to the girl in the lime green t-shirt on the mrt.

oh well



Aizat looked up at 7:47 PM

AizaT
15*02*1989
(go figure my age)
ACS (I)
4.16 Enoch in '05
5.4 Numbers (Staplets?) in '06
Venture Scout
Break dancer in training
Plays Hockey
Plays Football
Plays the Cello
Wants to learn Violin
Wants to learn Flute/Clarinet



.W.I.S.H.E.S.

-an electric guitar
-lots of sleep
-a new phone
-a bag which i can use for rough wear (i.e. i can afford to destroy it)
-an mp3 player
-a true friend

.A.R.C.H.I.V.E.

December 2004
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September 2006
October 2006
November 2006

.I..AM.

gambit
You are Gambit! You are a fierce fighter and a good friend to have.
Your preference for solitude and your
attractiveness make you very intriguing to
those you meet. Unfortunately, close
relationships are few and far between for you
because you often have trouble opening up to
others.

Which X-Men character are you most like?
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